jcup

Daydreaming of what I would do if I could go back and do it over again. A clean slate, youth, a wide-open future. Would I want to go back to 23?...18?...16? Im half way between being young and being an old man. I see the truth in the saying "Youth is wasted on the young. and... If I knew then what I know now" yet I do feel that money and sports cars are wasted on old men, and that Im still at a struggle for power with the older people who control this world. Been talking about "old times" with my friend of 12 years. When you're young the future is wide open, and you have hope. Not even hope. You "Believe" that things will be better, that you wont be like your parents, that you will be a certain way and have this life that you envisioned. Then you grow up, you're not living the life you want and you're not the person you thought you were. Instead of looking forward, you're looking back with regrets and desire to do things differently. I see my mother and other parents in their 50's... finally living the life they wanted. They waited through life to start living life. I see that Im paying for mistakes I've made...and will be paying for them for years to come. When I wake up, I feel like I wake up in someone else's life. I wonder what Im doing, why dont I do what I love anymore, and I daydream. I sleep through life now, feeling like a broken boy. Trapped in this body, this life, with the weight of burdon to carry alone. I wish for alot of things. I wish for freedom, happiness, adventure... I wish for the life I thought I'd have and to look towards the future with optimism.