jburhite

God, I wish I knew why I get so depressed. My doctor was telling today about how everyone develops these core self beliefs, some good some bad, and people choose to remember certain experiences that validate those core beliefs. This just totally struck a cord with me, like an epiphany. Some of these memories that I have, that hurt so bad, but when I look at them for what they are I know that some are so silly, that I don't even like to say them, but I hold onto them because they "prove" to me how "deficient" I am. I guess I've always believed that I am utterly undesireable. Every rejection, every bad memory that supports this. Even as small as their, I hang onto them with added weight. Like the time I was at a school dance and I asked a girl to dance, and her friend standing there laughed and said "her, dance with you?" stupid, it happened years ago, I shouldn't let it bother me. But in my core I believe it to be evidence of my undesireability (is that a word?). But with help of counseling, medication, and new experiences and friends, like the wonderful Melissa, I'm learning maybe I'm not as horrible as I thought I am. I'm learning that I have plenty of good qualities, and many of my defiencies are much smaller than they are, or completely in my head.