and just like that is comes crashing down.
my mom just called me crying because my phone is going to be shut off. neither one of us can afford to pay the bill.
i cant pay my rent this month, dont know what im going to do. i cant even afford to buy my mother a chrismas present. and she was in the hospital this morning. shes getting sick again... im know her health problems are coming back and shes just not telling me.
god
i have two jobs- both of them cut my hours down to nothing. i am not allowed to pick up any extra time. ive applied places and no one is calling me back. i just dont understand. i thought i was doing good. taking time off school, working two jobs, trying to live on my own. here i am barely surviving. i havent eaten anything in so long. i just ate my last piece of bread with cheese on it for dinner. thats so pathetic. i thought by getting out of clinton township, going on my own, struggling to survive... i thought there'd be some dignity in that. and by my hard work i'd at least get a little something back for it. but here i am. broke. alone. depressed. hungry.
i try to be so thankful for what i have... but it wont be long before i have nothing.
what can i do? sell everything i own? i would do it in a heartbeat. i would sell my stupid computer, and my tv, and all this crap i dont need. when it comes down to it- all i need is my journal, my bunny, and a blanket to cover up in the cold. everything else- ive lived without before, i can do it again. oh, and my cell phone so i can keep in contact with my mom. shes the only reason im still alive. ive said it before, and ill say it for the rest of my life- i would have killed myself by now if i knew it wouldnt hurt her as much as it would.
what i wouldnt give turn back the clock to this morning, when i was laying in daves arms and nothing else was wrong, and nothing mattered.
but im sure that will fall apart too.
it always does.
my mom just called me crying because my phone is going to be shut off. neither one of us can afford to pay the bill.
i cant pay my rent this month, dont know what im going to do. i cant even afford to buy my mother a chrismas present. and she was in the hospital this morning. shes getting sick again... im know her health problems are coming back and shes just not telling me.
god
i have two jobs- both of them cut my hours down to nothing. i am not allowed to pick up any extra time. ive applied places and no one is calling me back. i just dont understand. i thought i was doing good. taking time off school, working two jobs, trying to live on my own. here i am barely surviving. i havent eaten anything in so long. i just ate my last piece of bread with cheese on it for dinner. thats so pathetic. i thought by getting out of clinton township, going on my own, struggling to survive... i thought there'd be some dignity in that. and by my hard work i'd at least get a little something back for it. but here i am. broke. alone. depressed. hungry.
i try to be so thankful for what i have... but it wont be long before i have nothing.
what can i do? sell everything i own? i would do it in a heartbeat. i would sell my stupid computer, and my tv, and all this crap i dont need. when it comes down to it- all i need is my journal, my bunny, and a blanket to cover up in the cold. everything else- ive lived without before, i can do it again. oh, and my cell phone so i can keep in contact with my mom. shes the only reason im still alive. ive said it before, and ill say it for the rest of my life- i would have killed myself by now if i knew it wouldnt hurt her as much as it would.
what i wouldnt give turn back the clock to this morning, when i was laying in daves arms and nothing else was wrong, and nothing mattered.
but im sure that will fall apart too.
it always does.