jayye

im back!
on a shitty desktop

meijer cut my hours, so i get to go find a THIRD job now. just to make rent. its a wonderful life my ass.
i went home over the weekend because i was sick, and on lots of meds, etc. baked christmas cookies with my mom, hung the remaining christmas decorations, listened to christmas music, watched the grinch i was home from saturday-tuesday, and by tuesday me and my mom were bickering. i love my mom to death, but it just seems that we're really different now, and weve grown apart. it really hurts me when we fight, even if its just a little spat. shes the only person that i know loves me unconditionally- but i dont blame her for being disappointed in me. i havent done anything spectacular with my life. im kind of just at a plateau. nothing is getting any better, and slowly but surely, things seem to get worse.
ive given up on a lot of things lately. like modeling- i think i let the critisism get to me, i havent done a shoot in months. i really miss it, but im just so unhappy with my body, and everything else, i just cant put myself in front of a camera.
i have no money to go christmas shopping... but i guess its ok. the only people who are getting gifts from me are my mom, step dad, and grandma. and im sending allen a plate of x mas cookies. but thats all. everyone else doesnt deserve anything but coal this year. oh... maybe dave