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jaytan

Upstate NY

Member Since 2004

Followers 75 Following 140

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Thursday Sep 08, 2005

Sep 8, 2005
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Patience is a sonofabitch.

I'm sitting here trying to come up with something insightful and inspiring to babble about, but all I've got is this blank canvas. I could talk about the personal projects I'm trying to get off the ground, but there's nothing really solid to report. I could talk about the questionable status of my relationship, but in the end, the answer to whether we should be together will come with time. Job hunt, enh. The leads are low right now, which is both frustrating and nothing many of us don't know all too well.

And for the record, I don't think it's that I'm unqualified for the gigs I'm gunning after. Competition is steep yo. Then again, I suppose if I were the right man for the gig, I'd get them, right?

So what's my memoir muse maintenant? I suppose it's the general frustration of not seeing the goal in sight. I know, you can't control when "it" is gonna happen, you can only keep pursuing it. Noble words indeed, but when that feeling of helplessness sinks in, when you're not sure if any of your efforts are 1) going to pay off or 2) the right way of going about things in the first place, it only adds to the stress of what you're trying to accomplish in the first place. And to that, in a word, "ugh."

I have become that which, while respecting, don't have much sympathy for. I'm the overqualfied, underpaid postgraduate of a degree that is impressive by name, but not by the knowledge that it didn't (but should have) imparted on me. I'm the guy who was given all the resources, gave all the effort, even managed to believe in himself a bit, but just couldn't make it happen. Those younger, less qualified, and hardly as worked as I have been are enjoying the power and success that I wish I had. Hate on them? Nah, can't really -- I wouldn't be hating if I had a slice of the pie myself, so clearly it just comes from frustration over my own failures. Of course, I don't really respect them either. . .

The ones who do earn my respect are the ones who didn't have shit given to them, but did make it happen for themselves regardless. The ones who put themselves through college, the ones who started their own businesses and hustled to turn a profit until they did, the ones who were injured or handicapped and persevered to win the race and place first. The ones who were told they couldn't or wouldn't, and they did. Those folks are the ones in whose footsteps I want to walk.

And I'm trying, but I can't see their prints to know if I'm going in the right direction. All I'm asking for is a clue.

In the end, what can one do but keep going, trying to run faster, lift more, sell another one, and do a bit better? With that persistance, and patience, we're told we'll achieve our goals.

The persistance part I can do, but like I said, that patience is a sonofabitch.

On a completely separate note, give it up for hot sets from Isa, Claudia, and Wednesday. Maybe its just the sets that I've browsed over the past few days, but I've noticed a recent trend of girls losing the panties and keeping the stockings and fishnets on. I LOVE THAT!!! Thank you, ladies.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
wendy:
winning 9-2? i think that's where they were. i'm not sure. remind me if i am incorrect?
Sep 12, 2005
wendy:
you posted that on saturday, when the red sox won the game, 9-2. so if you ask me where they were on saturday, depending on what time of day the yankees may have been winning, but the red sox won the game.

and you guys really aren't in any position to be throwing insults, at least not now. (it's second place you're in, right?)
Sep 12, 2005

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