jaytan

It's been an incredibly whirlwind week, with more ups and downs than doing 69 on an elevator (which, I know, doesn't sound like a half-bad idea).

Chicago was a blast -- my new favorite city. Some of the best ribs and pizza I've had in years, and a respectable-sized Chinatown, to boot (very important criteria, in my book). Had a crazy adventure right after Chicago which involved me driving to Vegas about 2 hours after returning to LA (Sunday night) to pick up a video footage of an audition that I needed by Monday morning. So a 5-hour flight from Chi to LA, 3 1/2 hour drive to Vegas right after, sleep from 3 to 7am, and back on the road by 8am. To transfer the footage to tape and deliver it by 1pm. For those of you who know the Vegas run from LA, that's cutting it close, and on little to no sleep. After a weekend of partying. Honestly, I'm even a little surprised I didn't end up crashed up in a ditch along the highway. . . .the punchline to the story? My guy probably won't get the part. The audition was pretty weak.

We're not feelin' pretty good about the future today. Amidst all the chaos of the past week, I found out I was passed over on 2 jobs. Lost 'em to friends of mine, which inspires a strange mix of excitement for them and shameful deflation for me. Much more the latter, although I'm trying to stay upbeat. The work I've been doing on spec won't lead to a real job for still quite some time, so the struggle continues.

And as it continues, I get more depressed. Look, I know that things could be a lot worse, I'm not in dire straits, but I do feel like I've taken a few wrong turns in my career, and even if I didn't know better back then and learned from those poor choices, it's still hindered me from being at the level I want to be right now. Others less qualified than me, and younger than me, are doing more than me. I feel like I've turned off the world to what I have to offer -- despite being more confident in what I have to offer than ever before (go figure). Seriously, I feel like I need to be thinking about a career change, and while not knowing where to start is bad enough, feeling like I've failed at this is just a royal spiked kick in the nuts.

But really, what can one do but keep on keepin' on. Either in this field or another. Like Morgan Freeman said in "The Shawshank Redemption": 'get busy livin' or get busy dyin'.'

TerraKotta, you've been a great friend since we've started talking. Thanks, doll. Don't let us lose you to the fall workload too much yo.

Last night, I'd started this journal, and my guest host was a tall icy glass of 12-year Glenmorangie whiskey. This morning, it's Peanut Butter Puffins cereal and a cup of coffee. I guess it doesn't say much about anything, but people seem to like to big up their favorite things. So there ya go.

And speaking (or rather, typing) of big upping one's favorite things, here's to double doses of Stormy and dope videos from Sophie and my very first SG friend Blyss. And a kudos to Pearl for that hot purple set.

And with that, we go into the jungle we call "the week." Machete in hand, shitkicker boots stomping away. See you on the other side.