It's the end of the year, awhile since I posted, a good time for reflection, and I drag myself here to do so. Quite a bit has been brewing in Jaytanland. And part of me is tempted to record the gory details and subsequent anaysis here, as I have in the past, but I'm tired. Tired of it all. So I wonder if I should even bother. With documenting it. With thinking about it. It's good for us to always think about what's going on in our lives and where it's taking us, and if that's where we want to go, but after awhile . . . .I dunno. Enh. Which triggers me to ponder the possibility of whether this site has fulfilled its purpose in my life or not. Perhaps its time to get off and move on. Enh, I think about that one too.
Had a very strange sequence of events a week or two ago. Ran into Her outside of a club. Our first sighting in over a year. From afar. She hid behind her man. I played it all off. The next morning set off a series of IMs and emails, to her credit, initiated by her. But unfortunately, we're still not in a place for us to be friends. I need us to talk, listen, apologize, and forgive. She just wants to forget any of it, including the hurt that she caused, and start at square one. Nah, you can't really hit the restart button so soon after, and with so much baggage. So a week later, she gives me the "I hope you're happy with your lot in life" sendoff and I tell her the door will always be open.
What this has all taught me prepped me for the second blast-from-the-past run-in, that of a first love from high school. A friendship that never got there - got stuck in the Best Friend role. But it was a good friendship that I grew out of. And now, almost a decade later, she reaches out to me as well. In the same weekend?! For a brief moment, I really didn't know if I wanted to allow her back into my life, but if there's anything I learned from my last relationship, it's that if you can afford to forgive, then you should. It's a good thing.
So now I've ended up still at odds with the one I miss and reconnected with the one I'm not concerned about. Life's funny like that, I suppose.
I've been through a lot this year. Then again, haven't we all? LIke I said, I don't reallly feel like being reflective. And maybe that's a bad thing, but maybe it's time to leave.
Had a very strange sequence of events a week or two ago. Ran into Her outside of a club. Our first sighting in over a year. From afar. She hid behind her man. I played it all off. The next morning set off a series of IMs and emails, to her credit, initiated by her. But unfortunately, we're still not in a place for us to be friends. I need us to talk, listen, apologize, and forgive. She just wants to forget any of it, including the hurt that she caused, and start at square one. Nah, you can't really hit the restart button so soon after, and with so much baggage. So a week later, she gives me the "I hope you're happy with your lot in life" sendoff and I tell her the door will always be open.
What this has all taught me prepped me for the second blast-from-the-past run-in, that of a first love from high school. A friendship that never got there - got stuck in the Best Friend role. But it was a good friendship that I grew out of. And now, almost a decade later, she reaches out to me as well. In the same weekend?! For a brief moment, I really didn't know if I wanted to allow her back into my life, but if there's anything I learned from my last relationship, it's that if you can afford to forgive, then you should. It's a good thing.
So now I've ended up still at odds with the one I miss and reconnected with the one I'm not concerned about. Life's funny like that, I suppose.
I've been through a lot this year. Then again, haven't we all? LIke I said, I don't reallly feel like being reflective. And maybe that's a bad thing, but maybe it's time to leave.
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Happy Holidays.