Can't help but be reflective this time of year. So much has changed in my life in 12 months. I babbled about this previously, but still, things continue to change, and I'm still in awe of it all.
This year, I had what I generally considered a Dream Job. It wasn't all that it was cracked up to be, but it was a full-time, paying job in an industry that I enjoy immensely. However, in the past week, all the problems that were building up came to a head, and now the company no longer exists. And I don't have a job.
The experience has given me some good leads and connections, however, and as such, I'm cautiously optimistic that I will still be able to stay in the industry. In some ways, I've checked off yet another item on my list of things to do in life, and for that, I'm ever thankful. But it amazes me that just one year ago, there was so much promise. And now, its gone.
Likewise, a year ago, She and I were still very close. We'd split up, and that was largely the beginning of the end (which I have to acknowledge was something I initiated), but we talked every day, saw each other almost every day, and still loved each other very much. She spent Christmas with my folks and I, and things felt good. I know I gave her a good Christmas, and I was happy doing so. But shortly after the New Year, things got bad. And then they got worse. And now we don't talk anymore.
I've made my mistakes, and I've apologized for them. She hasn't apologized for hers, and I don't expect her to anytime soon. Which means that not even a friendship can be salvaged. That sucks, because that's all I want, and it wouldn't be that difficult.
On the other hand, I've also taken on a new seriousness about my life, specifically my health. I'm in possibly the best shape of my life, and although I still have goals to achieve in that arena, I don't think I've ever felt more serious about maintaining that progress. I think I'm doing competing with myself to see how much I can eat and drink. I dig on being active. I want this for my lifestyle, from here on out. In this respect, I'm ready to grow up.
Finally, and with harsh honesty, this goes out to everybody reading this entry. See, my activity on this site is not something that I advertise in my Real Life. Surely some of you know what I'm talking about. I think a lot of the people in my life (not particularly friends, but aquaintances and associates) would consider this some kind of social crutch or indicator of being disturbed. I mean hell, I joined for the hot naked chicks. Indeed, I wasn't quite sure what kind of folks I'd meet here, or that I'd even want to. But having attended a few SGLA get-togethers and met some of you in person, as I'd somewhat suspected, I've confirmed just how diverse and yet still-commonplace this community is. I don't even know the real names of most of the people I've met, but I know that I vibe with those of you I've met, and that I anticipate seeing friendly, familiar faces at the White Horse, or Farmer's Market. Whereas previously this felt more like a double-life about which I was very unsure, I'm now almost perversely anxious for the moment when I run into an SG friend when I'm hanging with a Real Life friend, just to see how my Real Life friend will react.
Getting involved with this site has been an experiment of a someone who considered himself an already outgoing person finding out that he still has shell from which to emerge. And he does it amidst "a cloud of tattoos, pierced body parts and colorful hairdos." Peace to all y'all here, and if you're not, I wouldn't mind if you were.
This, as we end 2006, is apparently where I am.
This year, I had what I generally considered a Dream Job. It wasn't all that it was cracked up to be, but it was a full-time, paying job in an industry that I enjoy immensely. However, in the past week, all the problems that were building up came to a head, and now the company no longer exists. And I don't have a job.
The experience has given me some good leads and connections, however, and as such, I'm cautiously optimistic that I will still be able to stay in the industry. In some ways, I've checked off yet another item on my list of things to do in life, and for that, I'm ever thankful. But it amazes me that just one year ago, there was so much promise. And now, its gone.
Likewise, a year ago, She and I were still very close. We'd split up, and that was largely the beginning of the end (which I have to acknowledge was something I initiated), but we talked every day, saw each other almost every day, and still loved each other very much. She spent Christmas with my folks and I, and things felt good. I know I gave her a good Christmas, and I was happy doing so. But shortly after the New Year, things got bad. And then they got worse. And now we don't talk anymore.
I've made my mistakes, and I've apologized for them. She hasn't apologized for hers, and I don't expect her to anytime soon. Which means that not even a friendship can be salvaged. That sucks, because that's all I want, and it wouldn't be that difficult.
On the other hand, I've also taken on a new seriousness about my life, specifically my health. I'm in possibly the best shape of my life, and although I still have goals to achieve in that arena, I don't think I've ever felt more serious about maintaining that progress. I think I'm doing competing with myself to see how much I can eat and drink. I dig on being active. I want this for my lifestyle, from here on out. In this respect, I'm ready to grow up.
Finally, and with harsh honesty, this goes out to everybody reading this entry. See, my activity on this site is not something that I advertise in my Real Life. Surely some of you know what I'm talking about. I think a lot of the people in my life (not particularly friends, but aquaintances and associates) would consider this some kind of social crutch or indicator of being disturbed. I mean hell, I joined for the hot naked chicks. Indeed, I wasn't quite sure what kind of folks I'd meet here, or that I'd even want to. But having attended a few SGLA get-togethers and met some of you in person, as I'd somewhat suspected, I've confirmed just how diverse and yet still-commonplace this community is. I don't even know the real names of most of the people I've met, but I know that I vibe with those of you I've met, and that I anticipate seeing friendly, familiar faces at the White Horse, or Farmer's Market. Whereas previously this felt more like a double-life about which I was very unsure, I'm now almost perversely anxious for the moment when I run into an SG friend when I'm hanging with a Real Life friend, just to see how my Real Life friend will react.
Getting involved with this site has been an experiment of a someone who considered himself an already outgoing person finding out that he still has shell from which to emerge. And he does it amidst "a cloud of tattoos, pierced body parts and colorful hairdos." Peace to all y'all here, and if you're not, I wouldn't mind if you were.
This, as we end 2006, is apparently where I am.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
It was bizarre when it happened because normally when he lets me have a lie in I'd sleep til lunchtime but I woke up and literally ran downstairs..maybe it was my mothers intuition kickig in, I'm not sure but I'm glad what ever it was that made me get up did, as I dread to imagine what would have happened if I hadn't..