jayhell

I am just so damn frustrated, I'm getting married on Saturday and I'm exited as hell. I'm going to see all my favorite people for a whole weekend in the Drakensberg, It's going to be awesome. I'm already packed and so to say ready to go, But I can only leave on Friday, so there is still the whole of tommorow to slave through, I still need to pick up a few things in town and then wait till Friday morning so I can finally leave. I stopped sleeping last night already, to make things worse all my crazy friends call me all the time reminding me how awesome the weekend is going to be. I cant wait to be married.

On a sadder note (this also really fucking bugs me) one of my close friends committed suicide on Friday night. And I ask Myself; Why? HE was one of those dudes you could always depend on for a good time, If I have to think of the crazy shit we have done together I just want to burst out in tears. Good times, bad times. And then I receive the call on Friday from one of my other friends, I was shocked. I'm still not sure how I feel about this. On the one side I think, shame the dude must have been so messed up inside and thought he couldn't depend on anyone to help him. On the other side I think Fuck You! you selfish bastard, you have a stunning girlfriend a good job friend that would do anything for you, but that wasn't good enough. OK so he had a fucked up family but we cant have everything. The thing that pisses me of the most is the fact that he cant come to my wedding (OK it sound selfish, I know) and I'm not sure if his girlfriend is coming, or her sister and probably if they do somewhere along the happiest day of my life there are going to be some serious tears, cause I cant imagine a serious party without him.

Thats my rap for today, next time I blog I'll be married(or bored and frustrated tomorrow night).

bey