Later than I had hoped, I am now delivering you the latest in Spork News for the year 2005.
BUT FIRST - A couple of sporkservations.
* I may have made a mortal enemy of a sysadmin today, but I want to kill him.
* If you are going to play your sporking electric cello on sporking Open Mic Night - play it in tune.
Neither of the above bullets captures the depth of my feeling.
ULTRA SPORK ULTRA SPORK FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD ULTRA SPORK
Master Sporkworks - Crafted from the finest titanium, this environmentally friendly camping aid is the metal spork technology that you've been looking for.
BEHOLD THE SPORK OF POWER: KNEEL, MY SLAVE!
I NEED A GOOD SPORKING
Celebrate the Spork.
Page O Sporks
Restaurants that use Sporks
Kentucky Fried Chicken
Taco Bell
El Pollo Loco (some locations)
El Taco (Orange, California only)
Many Broasted Chicken stores
Lucky (supermarkets) Delicatessen (some locations)
Panda Express
THREE SHALT BE THE NUMBER THOU SHALT COUNT, AND THE NUMBER OF THE COUNTING SHALT BE THREE. FOUR SHALT THOU NOT COUNT, NEITHER COUNT THOU TWO, EXCEPTING THAT THOU THEN PROCEED TO THREE.
alt.plastic.utensils.spork.spork.spork
Does the One True Spork have 3 or 4 tines? Or are they called tines at all?
Rupan_III Oct 13 1999, 12:00 am show options
As the prophetic leader of my local sect of The Cult of the Spork,
I would have to say that a proper spork only has 3 tines, for four
tines is too many, and two tines is too few....
SPORK TO THE CHIEF, HE'S THE ONE THAT WE ALL SPORK TO
AND AT LAST, SPORKETRY
Waxing sporketic in alt.utensils.spork again -
From: here@there.com (Me)
Newsgroups: alt.plastic.utensils.spork.spork.spork,alt.utensils.spork
Subject: Spork Poetry periodic posting
Date: Tue, 14 Nov 1995 16:00:52 -0800
Organization: Large Fuzzy Room
NNTP-Posting-Host: freud.be.com
All bow to the spork,
Lovely plastic work of art,
In rainbow colors
=====
I am the spork man,
Missing my odd-numbered teeth,
Left by the wayside
=====
Wonderful future,
Dancing, laughing, shiny sporks,
Ruling this happy world
=====
Here is modern man,
Pondering the age-old thought:
"Two tines? Three? Or four"
=====
food or philosophy,
wielding our sporks with panache
life itself is tined
=====
The Spork, true beauty,
the tines, the bowl, the long stem
life now is complete
=====
~ ODE TO A SPORK ~
O Flaming Goddess
White
Chaste
Pure
So smooth in Thy nature
Graceful
Encompassing
Spoon
'Ere Edged, to maim
Ragged
Deadly
Fork
Bastardized abbhoration of nature!
Elegant hybrid of wonderment
Shrink-Wrapped Corpse Prone To Molestation!
Clad in a shimmering gown, ready to reveal beauty.
Spork.
=====
Here I sit, all broken hearted...
I'm about to eat, but I haven't quite started.
Don't have a spork, fork nor spoon.
Without utensils in the middle of June.
=====
SPORKIE (To the tune of "Brandy")
There's a sailor, in a coastal town
He's unhappy and he wears a frown
He's got a spoon and he's got a fork
But he'd rather have his spork
Sailor says Sporkie, you're a fine spoon
But a good fork you'll never be
But you're still my favorite utensil, out at sea
There's a meal that he wants to eat
He wants to scoop some soup and jab some meat
There's a tool that'll set him free
And Sporkie is her name
Sailor says Sporkie, you're a fine spoon
And a good fork you would be
If your tines were a little bit longer, and more than three
All the sailors get together to brag
About their eating utensils and their seaman's bag
But this one sailor, ridicules their forks
And talks about his Spork
Sailor says Sporkie, you're a fine spoon
But a good fork you'll never be
But you're still my favorite utensil, on the sea
Stranded on a desert isle
He's got his spork so he still wears a smile
When the cannibals try to eat him up
He kills them with his spork
Sailor says Sporkie, you're a fine spoon
But a bad fork you do be
And an even more lousy ladle and slicer of cheese
Out at night on a stormy day
The wind is high and there's hell to pay
Another sailor washes overboard
But he dives in after his spork
Sailor says Sporkie, you're a fine spoon
But a good fork you'll never be
But you're still my favorite utensil, under the sea
Well he's lying in a watery grave
But his spork he did manage to save
Now he cradles her in his arms
And keeps her safe from harm
Sailor says Sporkie, you're a fine spoon
But a good fork you'll never be
But you're still my favorite utensil, under the sea
In the end, when he was old and gray
Thinkin' 'bout the ones that got away
A hundred ladies, a hundred ports
But he always had his spork
Sailor says Sporkie, you're a fine spoon
But a good fork you'll never be
But you're still my favorite utensil, on the sea
Viva la ignorance!
xip
~cheers