certain people, I do not want you to take this personally. I just feel like venting since not a damn soul calls me or wants me to call them.
Since I have been home:
I no longer will be working in the same office, which I dislike that fact.
It may be a year before I PCS to a new base.
I found how heart wrenchingly fake my ex girlfriend /ex best friend was.
With that came regretting a tattoo of mine, which I NEVER regret any of them, save this one. Much less EVER being in that relationship. For better or worse I learn from mistakes, or good times. I truly hate the fact that the past year and change transpired surrounding that.
I lost a different actual good friend due to circumstances outside our control.
I have gotten to see my friend Sarah, and Chelsi, but everyone else is too damn busy (to be fair, I forgot how regular peoples lives are) but still it was like fuck everyone was like can't wait for you to be home, we need to hang out! Then during 3 weeks off, NOTHING. (save for previous mentioned people, and even they are busy. I know people are busy...but don't tell me I am missed or talk me up like I will be invited out or come for dinner. then not a god damn phone call. 3 weeks I can count the phone calls on one hand.)
I have no place here, or anywhere. Yes it's what I make of it...But I know nothing else right now. I just want to be a ghost in some distant country again getting shot at and stop deluding myself into thinking I can have a stable life like others (yes I know most of us do NOT have one, but you know what I mean) Or much less that it matters if I am around or not.
So forgive me, and do not take this personally. But we have all felt this way, and it does pass: Fuck everyone. I am done messaging, texting, emailing, calling people first. I am tired of being kind or feeling like I am at beck and call/used at a convenience.
Since I have been home:
I no longer will be working in the same office, which I dislike that fact.
It may be a year before I PCS to a new base.
I found how heart wrenchingly fake my ex girlfriend /ex best friend was.
With that came regretting a tattoo of mine, which I NEVER regret any of them, save this one. Much less EVER being in that relationship. For better or worse I learn from mistakes, or good times. I truly hate the fact that the past year and change transpired surrounding that.
I lost a different actual good friend due to circumstances outside our control.
I have gotten to see my friend Sarah, and Chelsi, but everyone else is too damn busy (to be fair, I forgot how regular peoples lives are) but still it was like fuck everyone was like can't wait for you to be home, we need to hang out! Then during 3 weeks off, NOTHING. (save for previous mentioned people, and even they are busy. I know people are busy...but don't tell me I am missed or talk me up like I will be invited out or come for dinner. then not a god damn phone call. 3 weeks I can count the phone calls on one hand.)
I have no place here, or anywhere. Yes it's what I make of it...But I know nothing else right now. I just want to be a ghost in some distant country again getting shot at and stop deluding myself into thinking I can have a stable life like others (yes I know most of us do NOT have one, but you know what I mean) Or much less that it matters if I am around or not.
So forgive me, and do not take this personally. But we have all felt this way, and it does pass: Fuck everyone. I am done messaging, texting, emailing, calling people first. I am tired of being kind or feeling like I am at beck and call/used at a convenience.