The thing I do enjoy about philosophy, is it is based entirely around personal experiences and ideals, perspectives and opinions. Now in almost every ideal there is grains of truth, but nothing absolute.
So in this little rambling, don't take it as this is the core of what I believe, or absolute of the way I think or feel. Just one of the varied sides of my views, and in a way for me currently a cathartic writing,, and considering I am buggered with Maker's Mark, this will be a good bit of random shit that comes to my head.
I have learned through my life that hope is an illusion. Either things will or won't happen. There is no higher power causing something to happen simply because in your head you want it to.
The acceptance of despair. To know that there will be things outside of your control, that there is no overriding authority, that there is only one shot, it's all temporary.
The knowing that everything is meaningless, save for the freedom to make meaning out of everything. That you have the freedom of choice in what you do. That is an honestly terrifying thing, when you regard that even though you make the choice, the outcome is usually out of your hands.
It was said by someone, you can't appreciate the sunny days if it never rains.
Not to patronize but this just means you can't love life if it's always awesome. There has to be pain, failure, mistakes, regret, guilt, injury to contrast the light, it makes it so much brighter and enjoyable.
One thing I know is being injured. Few decades now I suffered through phyiscal and mental abuse from family, "friends", and not so nice people. Drugs, taken advantage of by ones I loved, and felt used by the first person I was IN love with. I have had tragic deaths in my life, each one of them I was unable to go to the funeral, or say goodbye. I have been bent, beaten. I have fucked myself up, with being the one a girl cheated with (I suspect out of spite it has been to me every time) drugs, fights, self injury, pushing people away. I've fucked over others.
Several times in my line of work I know causes of my job have gotten people killed ( To be fair, they were all evil fucks...Probably)
And IF I am damn wrong, I will stand before whatever higher power there might be, and take my punishment with open arms.
But I know I am not a bad person, I just know I have done, and probably will do again, bad things.
But I won't break. My most miserable moments made me who I am more than anythiing good or happy. Pain tends to define us of who we are more than good moments. Those horrible things, show your true character of how you deal with them, and expose your strength. It's easy to be confident, appreciative, and all around walk easy if everything is perfect. Have your life fall apart. Watch it burn all around you, that's when you see what you can really do, see if you can rise above the ashes.
Things I think are bullshit.
I don't believe in the concept of "Well there are always someone who has it worse." While true, that just gives the idea you shouldn't give a damn what happens to you. It's your life, you are allowed to feel that something sucks.
Only you can make yourself happy. Partially true. Only you can make the choice to embrace life, look at the good times and things and experiences, and not be consumed by negative
shit...That said, you NEED those good times, people, experiences to give you something to be happy about. If it was just you, doing nothing, no one to share joy with..Not really going to be overly happy about life.
I never regret or feel guilty...That's just sociopathic. You fucked over a best friend? FEEL BAD. Cheated on a lover? REGRET DOING IT. That's how you LEARN. Hey I did a shitty thing, I feel bad, they feel bad, let's not do that again.. Highly more accurate should be, "I don't live in regret or dwell in guilt". And fuck all, I know about bearing the burden of guilt.Regret, not so much.. But guilt is the fuck all knife I stab myself with. It's something I am slowly learning to let go however.
I forget the theory's creator, but there are three concepts that create a person's self image:
How those around the person perceive them
How that person percieves those people perceive them
How they perceive themselves.
Some people see/saw me as abrasive, aggresive, ugly, fucked up, erratic, injured, something to use, loser, insecure, a fag (I'm not gay, an no I don't use that term in a negative sense, but try being called that in high school for a couple years, when you aren't and see if it didn't mess with your head) a fuck up
Some see me as dedicated, generous, supportive, highly intelligent, hilarious, creative, confident,
I see all these things (save the "fag" part, and I still refuse to think I am physically attractive, just nice tattoos) in myself.
So it does make a rather interesting perception of myself, really just depends on the hour, day, or week.
Life if chaos. Absolute, pure chaos. And people do the same things over and over daily (isn't that the defination of insanity, I believe by Albert Einstein?) just to find comfort, patterns and safety and an illusion of control. Kind of makes it interesting, by enslaving yourself to routine of careers, which for most part are needed to survive (depending where you live) and doing all the things to take control of your life...Aren't you really out of control?
Then again what the fuck do I know?
So in this little rambling, don't take it as this is the core of what I believe, or absolute of the way I think or feel. Just one of the varied sides of my views, and in a way for me currently a cathartic writing,, and considering I am buggered with Maker's Mark, this will be a good bit of random shit that comes to my head.
I have learned through my life that hope is an illusion. Either things will or won't happen. There is no higher power causing something to happen simply because in your head you want it to.
The acceptance of despair. To know that there will be things outside of your control, that there is no overriding authority, that there is only one shot, it's all temporary.
The knowing that everything is meaningless, save for the freedom to make meaning out of everything. That you have the freedom of choice in what you do. That is an honestly terrifying thing, when you regard that even though you make the choice, the outcome is usually out of your hands.
It was said by someone, you can't appreciate the sunny days if it never rains.
Not to patronize but this just means you can't love life if it's always awesome. There has to be pain, failure, mistakes, regret, guilt, injury to contrast the light, it makes it so much brighter and enjoyable.
One thing I know is being injured. Few decades now I suffered through phyiscal and mental abuse from family, "friends", and not so nice people. Drugs, taken advantage of by ones I loved, and felt used by the first person I was IN love with. I have had tragic deaths in my life, each one of them I was unable to go to the funeral, or say goodbye. I have been bent, beaten. I have fucked myself up, with being the one a girl cheated with (I suspect out of spite it has been to me every time) drugs, fights, self injury, pushing people away. I've fucked over others.
Several times in my line of work I know causes of my job have gotten people killed ( To be fair, they were all evil fucks...Probably)
And IF I am damn wrong, I will stand before whatever higher power there might be, and take my punishment with open arms.
But I know I am not a bad person, I just know I have done, and probably will do again, bad things.
But I won't break. My most miserable moments made me who I am more than anythiing good or happy. Pain tends to define us of who we are more than good moments. Those horrible things, show your true character of how you deal with them, and expose your strength. It's easy to be confident, appreciative, and all around walk easy if everything is perfect. Have your life fall apart. Watch it burn all around you, that's when you see what you can really do, see if you can rise above the ashes.
Things I think are bullshit.
I don't believe in the concept of "Well there are always someone who has it worse." While true, that just gives the idea you shouldn't give a damn what happens to you. It's your life, you are allowed to feel that something sucks.
Only you can make yourself happy. Partially true. Only you can make the choice to embrace life, look at the good times and things and experiences, and not be consumed by negative
shit...That said, you NEED those good times, people, experiences to give you something to be happy about. If it was just you, doing nothing, no one to share joy with..Not really going to be overly happy about life.
I never regret or feel guilty...That's just sociopathic. You fucked over a best friend? FEEL BAD. Cheated on a lover? REGRET DOING IT. That's how you LEARN. Hey I did a shitty thing, I feel bad, they feel bad, let's not do that again.. Highly more accurate should be, "I don't live in regret or dwell in guilt". And fuck all, I know about bearing the burden of guilt.Regret, not so much.. But guilt is the fuck all knife I stab myself with. It's something I am slowly learning to let go however.
I forget the theory's creator, but there are three concepts that create a person's self image:
How those around the person perceive them
How that person percieves those people perceive them
How they perceive themselves.
Some people see/saw me as abrasive, aggresive, ugly, fucked up, erratic, injured, something to use, loser, insecure, a fag (I'm not gay, an no I don't use that term in a negative sense, but try being called that in high school for a couple years, when you aren't and see if it didn't mess with your head) a fuck up
Some see me as dedicated, generous, supportive, highly intelligent, hilarious, creative, confident,
I see all these things (save the "fag" part, and I still refuse to think I am physically attractive, just nice tattoos) in myself.
So it does make a rather interesting perception of myself, really just depends on the hour, day, or week.
Life if chaos. Absolute, pure chaos. And people do the same things over and over daily (isn't that the defination of insanity, I believe by Albert Einstein?) just to find comfort, patterns and safety and an illusion of control. Kind of makes it interesting, by enslaving yourself to routine of careers, which for most part are needed to survive (depending where you live) and doing all the things to take control of your life...Aren't you really out of control?
Then again what the fuck do I know?