jaybugg

So last night I had a panic attack, in my sleep. Well sorta, woke up to one is more the idea.

Those with the knowledge of my recent life events can figure what was in my dream that sparked it

I for the first time ever, geniunely had suicide as an option on the brain for hours.

Why am I telling you? Mostly to get it out to SOMEONE.

As with everyone the thought has crossed my mind before, but never in a serious consideration.

But I can fully see now how people are dirven to that point now. This fight in my head, the reality of what's happened, and god fuck knows on the future.. I just have no taste for this anymore.

I don't think I would ever do it. Not even an attempt, but fuck all if that just didn't put me in a blue mood all day knowing my mind went there.

Boo Urns. Off to book store. Need a drive to clear head. Sorry for dramatic post, I just needed to air that out, w/o someone jumping the gun thinking I am goig to do it and interfering.

*EDIT*
Doing a bit better, went to tattoo shop and hung out, making plans for a couple outings to include boat trip. Plus got right nipple pierced. Left wouldn't cooperate.