janegeraldine

"Bang Bang, he shot me downBang Bang, I hit the groundBang Bang, that awful soundBang Bang, my baby shot me down."
Nancy Sinatra-Bang Bang


I was standing in the bedroom after a shower one night, trying to decide what to wear to bed when he came to the doorway. He stood there and looked at me for awhile with a look on his face that was different from any I had ever seen. It was a look of totalemptiness. I stared back wondering what I was to make of what was quickly becoming a very uncomfortable situation. This was someone I had known and been intimate with for the better part of a year and suddenly it felt as if a stranger had walked into my house. I was in the middle of the room, completely naked under just a towel realizing that I felt more vulnerable than I ever had. He told me to take the towel off. I said no, I didn't want to. He told me again, and again I said no. He said he was going to tell me only one more time. I didn't believe he could be serious and again I refused. He came into the room and slowly removed his belt. I could only think that maybe he was attempting some sort of sexual game with me that I wasn't quite picking up on. When he completely removed the belt, he let it unroll to the floor while still holding one end. All at once I knew what was going to happen. I stared at him in disbelief as he raised the belt to his shoulders. I was still staring, my wide eyes only getting wider as I watched the buckle come flying at me from no more than five feet away. It made the most horrible cracking sound as it curled around my cheek and extended back to my ear. My eye began to water uncontrollably as the strike sent flames of heat and pain up the side of my face and down my neck. I instinctively put my hands to my face, dropping the towel. I collapsed to my knees just as the belt came whooshing through the air again, this time landing clean across my now bare breasts. I begged with him now to tell me what I had done, why he was so angry. He just kept staring at me with that cold, blank stare as the belt landed blow after blow on my bare skin. He crowded me as I backed away from him until I was in the corner of the room. He looked down on me from what seemed an impossible distance away, showing no emotion. Tears were streaming down my aching, swollen face. All I wanted was to understand what I could have possibly done to incur this horrible wrath. He told me I disgusted him as he finally let the belt drop to the floor. He turned his back to me and stood for a minute, shaking his head, then went in the living room and turned the TV on. It was three hours before I would pull myself up from that spot in the corner of my bedroom and five years before I would pull myself out of the biggest nightmare of my young life.