Sometimes, I want to see my words in their final context, rather than seeing them immerge from soup. I have visions of what I could have said (past tense) but to no person other than myself. These words/thoughts/pains fleetingly invade my mind and tease me with expressions I long to string together and make real. They are illusive, but sometimes attainable. This is why, I dont think I can write, for I find the act, the moment of translation wholly unconformable. Even as I write now this act is difficult, but I do it for another If I could overcome this difficulty, it would unleash a veritable avalanche of my thoughts and experiences. If I am inspired to put words down, it is usually because of another. Some inspiration is necessary to trigger the catharsis event. A muse perhaps
If I dont watch the words maybe I will have more success. Lets try
Writing isnt rewarding. Nor is thinking, talking or interacting. Flirting isnt rewarding, nor is probing, or being suggestive. Teasing isnt rewarding; just as its result isnt pleasant. But it is, or at least could be sometimes partially opaque.
Eyes return. No, that wasnt successful. Return to plan A.
I think I must be missing my own point. What are my words anyway, and why would I want them written down. Its always just been a mode of cathartic release normally coinciding with a new presence felt, too potent to ignore.
Ive had many mentors in my time and little formal education, for I have no stomach for processed meat. This doesnt mean I wasnt present at the butchers only that I choose not to buy what was on offer.
At the moment, I have no mentor. Only the books that keep coming in, and a suggestion for here or there
Ill share with you one passage that struck me recently. This is from Deng Ming-Daos Scholar Warrior;
Breaking Down Egotism
Perhaps the most difficult task for any master is breaking down a students egotism. This is a very delicate matter, for all vestiges of arrogance, laziness, selfishness, and partiality to oneself must be eliminated without destroying the sense of self-worth, and without warping the personality. This arduous task must be accomplished without the teacher demonstrating any of his or her own egotism.
Many people are arrogant in their own way. Some have predatorily even sadistic impulses. They have learned to survive by being aggressive to the point that this has become their primary mode of behaviour. Others are so eager to point out the bad habits of others that they overlook their own. Still others are desperate to assert their authority on any subject available, though their knowledge and opinions is almost wholly derived from the daily newspaper. In arrogance, people sacrifice sensitivity to others, to their surroundings, and to their own inner nature. Sooner or later, the arrogant person will fail to maintain whatever achievements he or she has made at their height and will begin a downward slide. Often, they are too blind or unwilling to change. A certain sloppiness of character emerges, and it often becomes a fundamental laziness
I must say though. Words are all we have
If I dont watch the words maybe I will have more success. Lets try
Writing isnt rewarding. Nor is thinking, talking or interacting. Flirting isnt rewarding, nor is probing, or being suggestive. Teasing isnt rewarding; just as its result isnt pleasant. But it is, or at least could be sometimes partially opaque.
Eyes return. No, that wasnt successful. Return to plan A.
I think I must be missing my own point. What are my words anyway, and why would I want them written down. Its always just been a mode of cathartic release normally coinciding with a new presence felt, too potent to ignore.
Ive had many mentors in my time and little formal education, for I have no stomach for processed meat. This doesnt mean I wasnt present at the butchers only that I choose not to buy what was on offer.
At the moment, I have no mentor. Only the books that keep coming in, and a suggestion for here or there
Ill share with you one passage that struck me recently. This is from Deng Ming-Daos Scholar Warrior;
Breaking Down Egotism
Perhaps the most difficult task for any master is breaking down a students egotism. This is a very delicate matter, for all vestiges of arrogance, laziness, selfishness, and partiality to oneself must be eliminated without destroying the sense of self-worth, and without warping the personality. This arduous task must be accomplished without the teacher demonstrating any of his or her own egotism.
Many people are arrogant in their own way. Some have predatorily even sadistic impulses. They have learned to survive by being aggressive to the point that this has become their primary mode of behaviour. Others are so eager to point out the bad habits of others that they overlook their own. Still others are desperate to assert their authority on any subject available, though their knowledge and opinions is almost wholly derived from the daily newspaper. In arrogance, people sacrifice sensitivity to others, to their surroundings, and to their own inner nature. Sooner or later, the arrogant person will fail to maintain whatever achievements he or she has made at their height and will begin a downward slide. Often, they are too blind or unwilling to change. A certain sloppiness of character emerges, and it often becomes a fundamental laziness
I must say though. Words are all we have