So for the past four months I have been massively smitten with a certain 6'6 burley man child. I matched with him on tinder and he's one of the most wonderful caring motivated family oriented driven men I have ever dated. He's positive and caring and a strong leader. He's got completely different tastes in music then I do. He was raised plowing fields and is chivalrous and they come.
Then about two months ago his job transfered him 5 hours away. ): sad jamberee.
I figured it was time for us to both move on and let go. But instead we have been talking every day still.
He drives all that way to come see me which says a lot.
Usually I have a really bad habit of chasing guys and finding guys that I can be on their hook and really super into them but they're not that into me and I spend our entire relationship trying to get them to love me. (My daddy issues)
But this has felt very equal the entire time. I feel like we have been very honest with each other. Immediately when I met him it felt like we knew each other for years. Whenever I try to argue with him he stops it immediately which I think is a good trait for a relationship cuz usually I'm lashing out for totally different reasons then what I'm verbally saying.
Anyways, New Years I dropped the L bomb on him. He cringed. I could tell it made him uncomfortable. I am such an advocate for being super open about feelings. I'm not afraid to love another person. I know saying that in a relationship means different things to different people and for me I am such a lover in general. I know if we never spoke again that when I would think about him it would be lovingly. I love who he is and what he's about. I love the way he treats me and makes me feel. So. Said it. It's out there.
We talked on new years about how even though we care a lot about each other we shouldn't be exclusive because we go weeks without seeing each other and we want each other to enjoy our lives.
I don't know if you guys know this about me but I'm a jealous bitch when I'm with someone. I can't help it. So obviously you know I was lying when I said yeah go be happy do what you want. (:
I'm trying to control those emotions and not feed into them because it has destroyed more than one of my relationships. I just can't be happy with a guy who needs a lot of attention from a lot of different women.
Which when I'm in a relationship I usually stop using suicide girls cuz I try to treat others the way I want to be treated. So that's always confusing to you guys when I drop off the face of the earth.
But anyways so I don't want to be with anyone else. I really like his guy. I deleted my tinder which was surprisingly really hard cuz I enjoy e-flirting.
What I'm getting at is I want a relationship. I want it to be Facebook official. I know Facebook is kinda bullshit but for a man to be fb official it's showing all other girls that he's taken and I feel like that's a declaration of his feelings that everyone will know he cares about me.
I was really enjoying us being equals in this. So I don't want to start tipping to scale. But I also think I am worth it. That I am the whole package and any man would be lucky for me to be 100% dedicated to them.
My last relationship was so painful becuz he had walls up the entire time and it took him over a year and lots of begging and crying for him to agree to be my boyfriend and I'm not willing to do that again. I don't want to waste a bunch of time and energy on a man who doesn't feel the same way I do
So I asked him last night to be my boyfriend and to be Facebook official and he said we can talk about it next time we see each other.
So I'm curious what you guys think.
Plus in case you are concerned he is totally supportive of me on Sg and is always asking to take pics of me to post so hopefully I can guilt free participate in this site which I enjoy.
I've been feeling rather discouraged about ever turning pink tho.
I'm so grateful for all the love you've shown me! My set has over 2,500 likes and because of that I'm like uh oh I think I'm too old or too something or not enough something for them to want to buy it or they would have already. But I'm staying positive and ultimately I enjoy the community and sharing so there's really nothing to lose.
Hope you're all having a good day.
