They say it's darkest before dawn. This is also the case for my childhood.
Welcome to Olean NY circa 1999-2002 I remember nothing during the car ride here from Wolcott. In fact I don't even remember anything at all during the ride here.
AGES 13-17:
Shortly (within months) after arriving to Olean, I went to see a mental health doctor to get ''prescribed'' Adderall for my ''ADHD''. Let back that up a bit. The adoptive Bitch decided to go back to school for nursing. She found out she could work and still get moneys from the adoption agency. But she wasn't able to focus on schoolwork. So she thought of this cunning plan. It was the last time I saw the public eye. Living on a back road meant few cars drove by. There she was free to do with me as she wished.
I never saw schoolwork since age 10 (3rd grade), never was allowed to watch tv. Video games for me were non existent. I never owned a single thing. Except the clothes on my back. No such thing as shoes for me even in the winter. In most cases I was either nude or wearing a diaper. Yes. Even at age 17, I was forced to wear a diaper. I didn't look 17 though. But I'll get to that later. No blankets. No toys. Not even a dresser drawer or a hanger. Showers didn't exist. Only time I saw a toilet was when I was cleaning it or having my head shoved in it. A toothbrush hadn't existed for me since I was 10 (when I was still in school). If I was lucky, I got a haircut once a year. Not that it grew much because I was starved 99% of the time. I ''stole'' dog food, cat food, formula for the other adopted kids, food that was throw away, and once in awhile I didn't get caught ''stealing'' food out of the cupboard.
My brothers and sisters had all abandoned me. There was no such thing as play time anymore. In fact it was like I didn't even exist unless they wanted me to do something for them. It was here in Olean where I became an expert at food massages. I am still an expert to this day. I have put a few people to sleep with them haha.
Whenever I was being ''punished'' I was out of sight from everyone else. Speaking of which the types of pain I went through. Brace yourselves if you don't have a strong mind, stop reading now.
Here they all are. . . Actually I'd be here for days trying to think of them all so I'll just do this quickly:
hands on stove (still have the burn marks), Wooden dowel (think baseball bat) which was her most favorite. I've been beaten with that thing (and new one's after old one's broke) from the soles of my feet to the top of the head and every else in between including my balls and penis. I've been stabbed with a kitchen knife, and had my head sawed with a butcher knife. Attacked by dogs many many times (Rottweiler, Great Dane, German Shepard and once by a Pittbull), I've been strangled many time till I blacked out, I've been suffocated, nearly drowned many times, I've held soap, bleach, pine sol, hot sauce, urine, and many other things in my mouth for many hours. I was even forced drink all of the above. I've been forced to eat human, dog, and cat shit. I've been beaten with everything under the sun. Been shot by pellet and BB guns many times. Thrown off a flight of stairs and had my elbow broken. Scalding hot and icy cold showers. Punched kicked and slapped many times. Been sodomized with objects. Been kicked in the balls till they were blue pink and purple. Had bleach and hot sauce in my eyes. I've laid outside naked in the snow for hours. I've ran through the snow when it iced over from freezing rain. You could see blood all over the yard from my feet. Think of it as a crunchy on the outside cookie but gooey on the inside. out in SoCal, I laid out in the sung for hours until I was beat red. Only thing that wasn't was my head. Then I was slapped all over my body. I've had my toenails come completely off from a rubber mallet. Like the whole fucking nail. Of course my toes were black and blue and bleeding all over the place. Also a new thing tricks she learned when she said the book ''A Child Called It.'' By Dave Pelzer. I learned much later where she got those ideas from. There's so much more that I haven't told you. I think you get the idea of the pain I suffered by now.
The mental toll: She had me brainwashed. Like I fully believed (even years later after I ran away I believed.) That everyone was worse then her. It actually pains me to say her when referring to that cunt (only time I'll type that word I promise). I believed I was the son of the devil. I believed no one would ever love me. I woke up everyday believing today was the day I was going to die because as she said, when I turned 18, she was cashing in on the million dollar insurance policy she took out on me. There was only one thing on my mind every waking second when I moved to Olean NY. Food. It was all I thought about.
How was I able to write this blog and type all the pain I suffered? Alcohol. It helped me through it. Could I haven't written it without the help from alcohol? I guess you and I will never know. I am however not going to go back proofread and edit this blog. It is what it is. If there are errors, you'll get over them.
THE PLAN: I'll end this blog here. The next blog will be my escape and the toll it's left on me even to this every second and will forever leave the marks on me. This bitch has even edited my entire life from my looks to how I act and how I think.
