Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up
When September Ends
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up
When September ends...
One year ago today, one of my best friends passed away from Cystic Fibrosis. For those of you who don't know, CF is a thickening of mucus, that basically fills the lungs with a really syrupy saliva, and eventually causes death. The average lifespan of someone with CF is 23 years old, and that projection gets lower every year. There is no cure, only treatment to prolong life a couple years.
A year ago, in a drunken incident, i lost my cell phone for several days. Upon finding the phone in a random yard, i checked my 13 voicemails. Much to my suprise, there was a message from my friend Caroline's mother, in which she told me to please call back as soon as possible, becuase Carrie was in the hospital and it wasn't looking good. Carrie often had visits to the hospital, and they became so frequent that it instilled a sort of desensitization to the fact that she was going into the hospital to fight for her health. She had come out so many times before that we had the false hope that she would always return.
A few voicemails later, was her mom again, saying to call back immedialty, because Carrie was passing, and wanted to talk to me one last time and say goodbye.
Caroline Passed.
I never got to say goodbye to one of my best friends in the world, because a few nights before i had been a drunken idiot and lost my phone. It's not my fault that she passed, but it's my fault that i'll never get to say goodbye, no matter how many songs i sing or letters i write. I've pretty much been dragging this around for a year now, and it's been a really difficult year. I felt like i've done little to honor her memory or help awarness of her disease. This weekend i visited her mom, played with her little sister for hours, and visited her grave. It was really difficult, but came along with a sense of starting to drop all this baggage.
I guess all in all, I just really miss my friend. She could make me feel amazing in a heartbeat, and was completly devoid of the self-pity that those of us with far less reason seem to carry around, myself included.
Today, Meaney will finish my memorial tattoo that we started a couple weeks ago, of which is a star with a clover in the top section. On bottom, Meaney will put Carolines name, forever placing her on my lucky star. I've mourned for a solid year. Starting today, I will try my harderst to replace the mourning with something else. Instead, i will spend the rest of my life celebrating hers, and the impact she had on everyone she met. She was truly amazing in every sense of the word, and is my hero.
I"ll post the picture in this journal later tonight of the tat, so come back, look at it, and let me know what you think. Sorry for the length and levity of the journal, but these are things i needed to get off my chest. For more information of Cystic Fibrosis and what you can do to spread awarness of this disease, Click Here
Thanks for all the good vibes.
(Heres a pic of the tat with color and caroline's name, but Meaney has to take more, cause he moved the camera and they are blurry. So there will be more pics, with more detail, and less blood. toodles.)
The innocent can never last
Wake me up
When September Ends
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up
When September ends...
One year ago today, one of my best friends passed away from Cystic Fibrosis. For those of you who don't know, CF is a thickening of mucus, that basically fills the lungs with a really syrupy saliva, and eventually causes death. The average lifespan of someone with CF is 23 years old, and that projection gets lower every year. There is no cure, only treatment to prolong life a couple years.
A year ago, in a drunken incident, i lost my cell phone for several days. Upon finding the phone in a random yard, i checked my 13 voicemails. Much to my suprise, there was a message from my friend Caroline's mother, in which she told me to please call back as soon as possible, becuase Carrie was in the hospital and it wasn't looking good. Carrie often had visits to the hospital, and they became so frequent that it instilled a sort of desensitization to the fact that she was going into the hospital to fight for her health. She had come out so many times before that we had the false hope that she would always return.
A few voicemails later, was her mom again, saying to call back immedialty, because Carrie was passing, and wanted to talk to me one last time and say goodbye.
Caroline Passed.
I never got to say goodbye to one of my best friends in the world, because a few nights before i had been a drunken idiot and lost my phone. It's not my fault that she passed, but it's my fault that i'll never get to say goodbye, no matter how many songs i sing or letters i write. I've pretty much been dragging this around for a year now, and it's been a really difficult year. I felt like i've done little to honor her memory or help awarness of her disease. This weekend i visited her mom, played with her little sister for hours, and visited her grave. It was really difficult, but came along with a sense of starting to drop all this baggage.
I guess all in all, I just really miss my friend. She could make me feel amazing in a heartbeat, and was completly devoid of the self-pity that those of us with far less reason seem to carry around, myself included.
Today, Meaney will finish my memorial tattoo that we started a couple weeks ago, of which is a star with a clover in the top section. On bottom, Meaney will put Carolines name, forever placing her on my lucky star. I've mourned for a solid year. Starting today, I will try my harderst to replace the mourning with something else. Instead, i will spend the rest of my life celebrating hers, and the impact she had on everyone she met. She was truly amazing in every sense of the word, and is my hero.
I"ll post the picture in this journal later tonight of the tat, so come back, look at it, and let me know what you think. Sorry for the length and levity of the journal, but these are things i needed to get off my chest. For more information of Cystic Fibrosis and what you can do to spread awarness of this disease, Click Here
Thanks for all the good vibes.
(Heres a pic of the tat with color and caroline's name, but Meaney has to take more, cause he moved the camera and they are blurry. So there will be more pics, with more detail, and less blood. toodles.)
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
last night was fucked up.