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jake1209

Member Since 2004

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Tuesday Dec 13, 2005

Dec 13, 2005
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This seems to happen at least once a month for me, let me explain what I'm feeling and see if it makes sense.

Okay, currently for work I own a company with 3 partners. We buy and sell used IT equipment, such as networking gear, servers, and strage arrays. We've been up since March, and we've been doing okay. I took almost a 50% pay cut to do this, so I've been going backwards financially since day one, and not to mention my tax liability comes out of my pocket, no withholding or any of that. Which is uncomfortable for me. Also, not having health insurance is a big load on my mind. I ride my motorcycles constantly, and I remember how expensive my last trip the ER was...

But the greater problem other than normal life stress of money and taxes lies in my soul. This giant empty hole I have inside me because I don't feel like I'm doing any greater good for my fellow man. And I'm not passionate about IT equipment.

I feel a void in that I'm not doing anything that I'm interested in, that I'm only doing a job to collect a check. Which sometimes is necessary, but I know I could be doing better financially at so many other occupations, in industries I would enjoy. The only thing that's keeping me here is the promise of great return. Which is nothing more than hope at this point. I keep thinking about the "poop in one hand, and hope in the other and see which fills up faster" saying when I look at how unhappy I am doing what I'm doing now, and how I haven't had the sucess in this endeaver that I thought I would.

I think it's indicative of how I feel about my job when I think to myself that I'd rather be back in construction putting in a hard days work with something to show at the end of the day, for less money, to know that I actually created something or improved someone's home. To have that feeling inside that my days aren't spent entirely for personal gain.

I've done every excercise under the sun involving "what is your area of interest", read What Color is Your Parachute numerous times, earned a bachelor's degree in sociology, a masters in business, started one other company and left to start this one, but nothing is really satiating my desire to feel good about what I've done at the end of the day. I'm missing that solace, and I know there is something out there that will take into account my education, and my experience, in a profession or occupation that I'll feel good about.

One problem with being burned out with one job is that it makes scrounging up the energy to find something else that much harder. And the irony in that is that when I'm happiest in a job I have more energy than I know what to do with. But job searching is the fartheset thing from my mind.

So what to do now? Therein lies the frustration. The same frustration for years now. I feel like I'm the only one responsible for uncovering the right course in life in regard to my career. Well, that's probably because I am the only one who will do that for me.

It's time like these I wish I had older, wiser, people to talk to about these kind of things. Having a jailbird criminal father, and no real mentors to speak of has it's detriments. Plus not really knowing where to turn to research careers on a what I'd be doing day to day type of criteria. The only field that I've had an opportunity to get a real life shadowing opportunity was in law when i was considering law school. I got to attend some law school classes, and that was all I needed to see. Socratic method and I don't get along very well.

But anyway, that's a peek into my biggest area of discontent right now in life. Which is a huge considering this is where I spend more time than anywhere.



VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
christi:
I love clutch! i lost count on how many times we have seen them in the past 10 years! we will be seeing them on the 28th, can't wait!
Dec 14, 2005
derol:
Hang in there, man. A buddy of mine started doing the same thing outta college, and it took a few years to build it up, but he's fucking ROLLING now.

It's all about the crappy head end work to get the boulder rolling, then once it does, you sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor- ie. don't work anymore and enjoy it.
Dec 14, 2005

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