So me and my girlfriend, who have a kind of on-off thing going on (technically I guess it's on-off-on-off-on-off), are now on a break. That's three times in 18 months we've split, and this is the first time I had nothing to do with it. The first time it was a pretty much mutual thing, second time was totally me, and this time......well actually it was me who suggested we take some time apart, but if I hadn't then she would have anyway.
Part of the problem at the moment is that I'm ass-deep in uni work, since I'm doing four modules instead of the usual three this semester. We live on opposite sides of the city, so we don't see each other as much as some couples, and for someone whose last boyfriend was two doors down, that grates ever such a little bit.
That said, the main problem right now is that she has bucketloads of shit going on, from her teenage sister being psycho (more than your average teenager), to her mum and step-dad being close to splitting up, to her granddad being tossed between nursing home and hospital. Add to that the fact that she finds it nigh on impossible to talk to people - anyone - about anything that's actually important, and she ends up bottling up everything inside, worrying about it all by herself and then getting ill because of it. And she drinks way more than she probably should too. And because she won't even talk to me about stuff that matters, I get pissed off that she doesn't trust me or feel close enough to me to let me in. I know she's like that with everyone, but it still feels like if she can't open up to me about the things that are really important to her, or things that are really getting her down, then what the hell are we doing together?
Of course, when I basically managed to bully all this stuff out of her, she acted like I should have known something was up, which I did, and I should have asked her about it, which I did. Last week she went out with her mates and got unbelievably wasted on tequila. When she sent me a message the morning after, telling me about how shit she felt because of the ridiculous amount she'd had to drink, I asked her why she'd had so much. And she said she didn't know, like it was just one of those nights every now and then when you drink far too much for absolutely no reason. So I let it go.
A couple of days ago she fainted, mainly through lack of food but also because of the combination of that and the excesses of the weekend. I asked her why she didn't feel hungry, and she said she just didn't.
Now we've been over this many times before, with me trying to get her to actually talk to me about serious things. Even just telling me that things were getting her down would be a start, but instead she just shuts down and acts like I'm pissing her off.
She gets very defensive when I try to ask her about these things. Any mention of the fact that she could have told me what was going on instead of leaving it up to detective work from the tiny morsels of clues she throws my way every now and then leads to a shit-storm of vindictive comments which can basically be summed us as "it's all your fault". She suggests that she has told me but I wasn't listening, or that I should just know what exactly is going on even though she doesn't talk to anyone about it. And that annoys the crap out of me.
So last night, when I finally managed to wring all this out of her, and after about an hour of me trying to get her to actually talk to me, and about an hour of me failing miserably, I suggested and she agreed that we should "take a break" for a while. She can work through things on her own as she seems so intent on doing, and I can get my uni stuff sorted. Then when that's all done and dusted we can see where things stand.
So here I am. Not in a relationship, not not in one. In limbo, if you will.
Am I happy about all this? Hell no. Do I wish she would trust me enough to actually talk to me? Of course. But what else can I do?
I'm actually asking.
Damn, In Vino Veritas is right.
-----------------------------------------------------------
In other news:
- Having just seen a bit of MCR live on TV, I'm not convinced I missed anything too special by not going to see them in Nottingham.
- I went to Corp on Monday, and from this day forth, Monday nights at Corp shall be known as "emo pansy night". Six decent songs in about 3 hours, and three of them came one after the other in the small room off to the side.
- I never thought it could happen, but thanks to half-empty grounds (actually, make that 95% empty grounds), a distinct lack of typical Caribbean enthusiasm thanks to tickets that cost upwards of a months wages for the locals, and an endless procession of dull former players commentating whilst trying to pretend they care about Bangladesh v. Bermuda, the World Cup has officially turned me off cricket. At least till the season starts.
- Seeing Ricky Gervais in Alias is just odd. I've seen it before, but I'm rewatching the entire series, and I have the Gervais episode on in the background. After seeing The Office, Extras and Ricky's stand-up, watching him doing drama - even farcical-spiritual-scifi-fantasy-spy drama like Alias, is tres bizarre.
- I am still holding out hope that the Owls can make the playoffs. 19 hours from now that may all have gone tits up, but if we can beat West Brom on Friday night, and results go our way the rest of the weekend, we can be three points off the top six with three games left. Of course, we could easily be nine points off and royally fucked, but I'm an optimist when it comes to football. (I realise that as an Englishman who supports a team that has been out of the top flight since 2001 and hasn't won the league since the 1930s, being optimistic about anything involving a round white leather ball is more than a little bit......insane. I have no idea why I am so optimistic about this, but I am. Plus we have a 100% record in the playoffs.)
- This morning (actually that's a blantant lie, I didn't get up till 12.30) I emptied my room of bottles which once contained alcoholic beverages. I took the following to the recycle bin in the city centre: 10 and a half JD bottles, 8 wine bottles, 2 vodka bottles (big 'uns), and 6 different half spirit bottles. There is a chance I may have drank too much recently.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The new layout:
Broadly speaking.....I'm not a fan. There's plenty of comments about the recent changes, and I agree with some more than others. If I had more time on my hands (which may sound slightly daft for someone who's just written a nice long rambly journal entry, but it's 2.30 in the morning and I can't sleep, that's my excuse) then I'd do a little mockup of what I think would work for the profile pages, but as it is, I'll have to make do with this:
Good: More friends, favourite SGs and groups visible
Bad: Where to start.....All over the place it tells me that I am Jagg. I know this.
My profile doesn't fit in the box at the top.
My profile image appears twice for no apparent reason. You can only see one comment on my blog.
Those black labels look daft. And remind me of Carling.
The number of comments is in the wrong place, technically speaking - it appears that the one person whose comment is displayed has made the number of comments shown. (That one's me being picky.)
The comment box is far too small, and with it being placed where it is, it appears that I would be making a comment on the month of April.
So many different types of buttons. If it does the same thing, it should look the same. (I'm referring to the "Add comment" button and the "View all", "New post", etc.
(I'm gonna wrap this us in a minute cos my spacebar appears to be squeaking.)
I don't know if it's just on a PowerBook screen, but the background of the main member page is not clear at all. I can't see where one box ends and another one starts, so it all looks like one big white mush.
One thing that has bugged me since the release of SG 4.0 is that bloody big sign on my profile page that says "Click the edit button to make changes to your profile" with a massive arrow next to it. This is on of the main problems with the current design. Things aren't obvious enough, and need giant labels such as these to show members how to work different features. And that, frankly, is not good design.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Last but not least, my tips for the Grand National: McKelvey, Longshanks, and Point Barrow.
-----------------------------------------------------------
It appears to be nearly 3am. So I'm going to bed.
Part of the problem at the moment is that I'm ass-deep in uni work, since I'm doing four modules instead of the usual three this semester. We live on opposite sides of the city, so we don't see each other as much as some couples, and for someone whose last boyfriend was two doors down, that grates ever such a little bit.
That said, the main problem right now is that she has bucketloads of shit going on, from her teenage sister being psycho (more than your average teenager), to her mum and step-dad being close to splitting up, to her granddad being tossed between nursing home and hospital. Add to that the fact that she finds it nigh on impossible to talk to people - anyone - about anything that's actually important, and she ends up bottling up everything inside, worrying about it all by herself and then getting ill because of it. And she drinks way more than she probably should too. And because she won't even talk to me about stuff that matters, I get pissed off that she doesn't trust me or feel close enough to me to let me in. I know she's like that with everyone, but it still feels like if she can't open up to me about the things that are really important to her, or things that are really getting her down, then what the hell are we doing together?
Of course, when I basically managed to bully all this stuff out of her, she acted like I should have known something was up, which I did, and I should have asked her about it, which I did. Last week she went out with her mates and got unbelievably wasted on tequila. When she sent me a message the morning after, telling me about how shit she felt because of the ridiculous amount she'd had to drink, I asked her why she'd had so much. And she said she didn't know, like it was just one of those nights every now and then when you drink far too much for absolutely no reason. So I let it go.
A couple of days ago she fainted, mainly through lack of food but also because of the combination of that and the excesses of the weekend. I asked her why she didn't feel hungry, and she said she just didn't.
Now we've been over this many times before, with me trying to get her to actually talk to me about serious things. Even just telling me that things were getting her down would be a start, but instead she just shuts down and acts like I'm pissing her off.
She gets very defensive when I try to ask her about these things. Any mention of the fact that she could have told me what was going on instead of leaving it up to detective work from the tiny morsels of clues she throws my way every now and then leads to a shit-storm of vindictive comments which can basically be summed us as "it's all your fault". She suggests that she has told me but I wasn't listening, or that I should just know what exactly is going on even though she doesn't talk to anyone about it. And that annoys the crap out of me.
So last night, when I finally managed to wring all this out of her, and after about an hour of me trying to get her to actually talk to me, and about an hour of me failing miserably, I suggested and she agreed that we should "take a break" for a while. She can work through things on her own as she seems so intent on doing, and I can get my uni stuff sorted. Then when that's all done and dusted we can see where things stand.
So here I am. Not in a relationship, not not in one. In limbo, if you will.
Am I happy about all this? Hell no. Do I wish she would trust me enough to actually talk to me? Of course. But what else can I do?
I'm actually asking.
Damn, In Vino Veritas is right.
-----------------------------------------------------------
In other news:
- Having just seen a bit of MCR live on TV, I'm not convinced I missed anything too special by not going to see them in Nottingham.
- I went to Corp on Monday, and from this day forth, Monday nights at Corp shall be known as "emo pansy night". Six decent songs in about 3 hours, and three of them came one after the other in the small room off to the side.
- I never thought it could happen, but thanks to half-empty grounds (actually, make that 95% empty grounds), a distinct lack of typical Caribbean enthusiasm thanks to tickets that cost upwards of a months wages for the locals, and an endless procession of dull former players commentating whilst trying to pretend they care about Bangladesh v. Bermuda, the World Cup has officially turned me off cricket. At least till the season starts.
- Seeing Ricky Gervais in Alias is just odd. I've seen it before, but I'm rewatching the entire series, and I have the Gervais episode on in the background. After seeing The Office, Extras and Ricky's stand-up, watching him doing drama - even farcical-spiritual-scifi-fantasy-spy drama like Alias, is tres bizarre.
- I am still holding out hope that the Owls can make the playoffs. 19 hours from now that may all have gone tits up, but if we can beat West Brom on Friday night, and results go our way the rest of the weekend, we can be three points off the top six with three games left. Of course, we could easily be nine points off and royally fucked, but I'm an optimist when it comes to football. (I realise that as an Englishman who supports a team that has been out of the top flight since 2001 and hasn't won the league since the 1930s, being optimistic about anything involving a round white leather ball is more than a little bit......insane. I have no idea why I am so optimistic about this, but I am. Plus we have a 100% record in the playoffs.)
- This morning (actually that's a blantant lie, I didn't get up till 12.30) I emptied my room of bottles which once contained alcoholic beverages. I took the following to the recycle bin in the city centre: 10 and a half JD bottles, 8 wine bottles, 2 vodka bottles (big 'uns), and 6 different half spirit bottles. There is a chance I may have drank too much recently.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The new layout:
Broadly speaking.....I'm not a fan. There's plenty of comments about the recent changes, and I agree with some more than others. If I had more time on my hands (which may sound slightly daft for someone who's just written a nice long rambly journal entry, but it's 2.30 in the morning and I can't sleep, that's my excuse) then I'd do a little mockup of what I think would work for the profile pages, but as it is, I'll have to make do with this:
Good: More friends, favourite SGs and groups visible
Bad: Where to start.....All over the place it tells me that I am Jagg. I know this.
My profile doesn't fit in the box at the top.
My profile image appears twice for no apparent reason. You can only see one comment on my blog.
Those black labels look daft. And remind me of Carling.
The number of comments is in the wrong place, technically speaking - it appears that the one person whose comment is displayed has made the number of comments shown. (That one's me being picky.)
The comment box is far too small, and with it being placed where it is, it appears that I would be making a comment on the month of April.
So many different types of buttons. If it does the same thing, it should look the same. (I'm referring to the "Add comment" button and the "View all", "New post", etc.
(I'm gonna wrap this us in a minute cos my spacebar appears to be squeaking.)
I don't know if it's just on a PowerBook screen, but the background of the main member page is not clear at all. I can't see where one box ends and another one starts, so it all looks like one big white mush.
One thing that has bugged me since the release of SG 4.0 is that bloody big sign on my profile page that says "Click the edit button to make changes to your profile" with a massive arrow next to it. This is on of the main problems with the current design. Things aren't obvious enough, and need giant labels such as these to show members how to work different features. And that, frankly, is not good design.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Last but not least, my tips for the Grand National: McKelvey, Longshanks, and Point Barrow.
-----------------------------------------------------------
It appears to be nearly 3am. So I'm going to bed.
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