Whoa! I'm actually going to give a bloggityblog...
Next Monday is my birthday. I have absolutely no plans. I think it's going to stay that way. I don't like to make a big deal out of my own b-day, but usually do like to do something. I got Friday night off (last year I worked my b-day weekend), but SGMTL is having a party somewhere that I really should not go on this particular night. Not because I don't want to go, and not any kind of silly drama-- like serious shit. Sigh.
I could go elsewhere with an entirely different group of friends, but most of my other friends don't know eachother, so who knows. I think it's a write-off year. Everything about this year is a fucking write-off year, it seems.
In desperate, dire, crazy need of change. I want a new gym membership because the weather is terrible, but I want to run until I can't even see. I'm angry. Lots of things in my life are great, but I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I'm stuck.
As mentioned last blog, I have 18 credits left until graduation. I can barely, barely bring myself to complete the credits I'm working on now. I'm definitely starting to crack, and I'm concerned the classes I'll be taking to graduate will overwhelm me. I've been taking the majority of my studies in French (one class in English this semester), and all of my remaining courses are in French. It frustrates me because I can't always express myself how I would in English or even in German, and I feel like a fucking idiot because here I am, reading novels and writing 10 page papers in French, and yet never feeling confident enough to raise my hand in class.
I've also got a stupid but serious and ongoing health problem that I mentioned before. I'm going for a big appointment today which will hopefully narrow down exactly what's up. This doesn't help things. I'm being a big baby, I guess, because it's making me tired and it hurts and I want to just take a fucking week off. I won't have a week off until July or August, and even then, I probably won't have one. Whatever-- this is life. I just need to remind myself that I'm not going through anything especially difficult compared to what others must go through.
I'm just getting weighed down. So many people rely on me for so many things, and I feel like I'm letting people down everytime I go spend 5 minutes out of their reach.
What else? I've got a list of things a mile long that are kicking my ass right now but I don't want to complain more. I wish they were little things, but they're big things.
Well, whatever. Shaine and I are trying to hunt or an apartment. If I don't get out of this one soon, I'm going to lose it.
Next Monday is my birthday. I have absolutely no plans. I think it's going to stay that way. I don't like to make a big deal out of my own b-day, but usually do like to do something. I got Friday night off (last year I worked my b-day weekend), but SGMTL is having a party somewhere that I really should not go on this particular night. Not because I don't want to go, and not any kind of silly drama-- like serious shit. Sigh.
I could go elsewhere with an entirely different group of friends, but most of my other friends don't know eachother, so who knows. I think it's a write-off year. Everything about this year is a fucking write-off year, it seems.
In desperate, dire, crazy need of change. I want a new gym membership because the weather is terrible, but I want to run until I can't even see. I'm angry. Lots of things in my life are great, but I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I'm stuck.
As mentioned last blog, I have 18 credits left until graduation. I can barely, barely bring myself to complete the credits I'm working on now. I'm definitely starting to crack, and I'm concerned the classes I'll be taking to graduate will overwhelm me. I've been taking the majority of my studies in French (one class in English this semester), and all of my remaining courses are in French. It frustrates me because I can't always express myself how I would in English or even in German, and I feel like a fucking idiot because here I am, reading novels and writing 10 page papers in French, and yet never feeling confident enough to raise my hand in class.
I've also got a stupid but serious and ongoing health problem that I mentioned before. I'm going for a big appointment today which will hopefully narrow down exactly what's up. This doesn't help things. I'm being a big baby, I guess, because it's making me tired and it hurts and I want to just take a fucking week off. I won't have a week off until July or August, and even then, I probably won't have one. Whatever-- this is life. I just need to remind myself that I'm not going through anything especially difficult compared to what others must go through.
I'm just getting weighed down. So many people rely on me for so many things, and I feel like I'm letting people down everytime I go spend 5 minutes out of their reach.
What else? I've got a list of things a mile long that are kicking my ass right now but I don't want to complain more. I wish they were little things, but they're big things.
Well, whatever. Shaine and I are trying to hunt or an apartment. If I don't get out of this one soon, I'm going to lose it.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
chazgasm:
Hope you managed to get out for a bit tonight and that the doctors went well
sandwave:
University is the easy part. Finish these last 18 credits and then move LA. You can thank me later. 