jadeangel

So, everything is pretty much the same as my last post except I have stopped going to the gym because I got sick. I had one day that was pretty scary lowwhere I could barely make myself eat and had trouble sleeping due to nightmares. That was really alarming to me because I am really good at both eating and sleeping! I've turned to my best friend for support and she is helping tremendously on my climb out of the hole. Convinced me that if this guy doesn't work out it's because he screwed it up, not because of me. I'm almost convinced she is right and I know she wouldn't say it just to make me feel better. So that helps.

I've also realized that it's okay to lean on friends a little when you need them (so long as you are ready to be there for them when they lean back). I always used to put almost all of that burden on whoever my boyfriend was at the time...poor guy! So yeah, it will be nice to have intimacy again...but in the meantime, I've got friends to help me through my days and that's enough...I don't have to go at life alone just because I am single. Sounds like a simple concept, but it just never really occurred to me before. Good realization.

Realization #2: If I force everything else out of my mind and really immerse myself in my work, which for now is proposal writing, it quiets the negative thoughts and by default, lightens my mood. Extra bonus: When I do this...I get shit done and eventually that is bound to lighten the stress about my paper a little bit.

So keep your fingers crossed everyone! I help me stay out of crazy-land!