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jacquesdemolay

Cleveland Hts., OH

Member Since 2005

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Wednesday Jun 24, 2009

Jun 24, 2009
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3am, can't sleep. Been drinking beer and listening to Blind Willie Johnson. Such good music. Leadbelly gets a lot of attention for this period of blues, and while I'm not saying he shouldn't, Johnson will always be what the blues should be to me. Everything we have of his was recorded between 1927 and 1930, and there is only one known photograph of him. He had an amazing life story, and you can hear it in his voice.




Been feeling a bit down lately. Trying to put it into words, but having a bit of a hard time. I would say there are several factors at work, but there is one big one that sticks out. The woman I love left this country 3 years ago. She isn't a citizen and eventually had to go home to Brazil. She took a job with the UN and has been moving all over the word for a bit over a year. I accepted a big chunk of money from a US-based organization that helps Jews move to Israel, on the condition that I would stay here through the end of 2009. I needed the money for the move, since I had none, nd I really do love it here, so it didnt seem like a big deal at the time. I can't afford to break my contract, since I still don't have any money, and her job/lack of citizenship keeps her from being able to come back here. Which kind of makes our being together a bit tricky. We're still in touch, and we go through periods where we'll talk all the time and tell ourselves that we'll figure out some way to make it work, then there will be a period where we start to doubt it and don't talk so much. We are then faced with the choice of moving on or going back to the first phase, and that's invariably where we end up. It's a very bipolar sort of relationship and we're currently in one of those down periods. Breaking the cycle and moving on would mean finally being free of it, but it could also mean a lifetime of wondering what could have been. Not really any right answer. The thing with this girl is really just that she's nice to me. Sounds fucked up I know, but it's true. Maybe I've been unlucky, but this is the only relationship I've ever had with someone who didn't have their defences up the entire time and was just nice to me for the sake of being nice.

Oh well, sorry to lay that on all of you lovely people, just needed to get it off my chest. Any insight anyone has would not go unnoticed.

Oh, and Robert Johnson is some pretty great blues too.
inglis:
That's why you have blogs- let off steam and frustration. It feels good, and let people know what up with you.

Blind willie johnson is nice, real mellow (?) with a vibe to it. I could see myself relaxing with it in the background.
Jun 24, 2009

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