"Huh?" I said, leaning around the back of the TV fiddling with the wires. I was trying to find out if the Intellivison console we had picked up at the stoop sale around the corner was functional or not. I was salivating at thought of the possibilities.
"Dnewwiezellitorat?" came Maggie's reply. That really didn't make sense, I thought to myself.
"What did you say?" I replied, "Hold on babe, I'm almost done." But as the words left my mouth I realized that they didn't sound right. They sounded as though my voice was coming from somewhere inside my skull, which was true enough, but still it didn't sound right.
"Icehead, yuyuwawa eepitor what?" I dropped the cables I was fumbling with and pulled myself out from behind the entertainment center. Turning around, I saw Maggie looking at me with a look of vague confusion on her face.
"Sorry hon, I still didn't get that. I think there's something in my ear. Both of them, actually," I said.
"Icancy at." The confusion on Maggie's face was morphing into a look of concern. "Waatufuccisat?" She reached around the left side of my head and pulled on something that was appearantly hanging out of my ear. As she tugged, I instinctively jerked my head in the opposite direction. I felt a clothy sensation in both of my ear canals at once. As she puled something out of my left ear, my right ear suddenly became unblocked. Now I could hear clearly, albeit in mono.
"Babe, what the hell is going on?" Mags was starting to get a bit worked up. I had no idea what was going on.
"I don't know, what did you just pull out of my ear?"
"It's still in your ear, Bill! What is that!?"
I lifted my left arm to my ear and felt a hanky sized piece of cloth hanging out of my ear. I didn't remember putting anything in there. I'm not the emperor of hygine, but stuffing hankerchiefs in my ear didn't seem like the kind of thing I would normally do, although I have been a touch forgetful recently. I pulled the cloth around in front of my face and I saw a fuzzy red and white pattern in front of my left eyeball. I headed to the bathroom to check it out in the mirror, with Maggie close on my heels.
"Where in God's green did you go with Jamal and Pete last night? Jesus Christ, Bill, I swear, you guys are fucking ridiculous when you get together!"
"I told you, we were at Pete's all night playing Halo and shit. Ruby was out at her mom's place with the baby, so we grilled some shark steaks and played video games. You know Pete got that new gas grill. I'm still not sure how I feel about gas grilling as opposed to charcoal, and you know Jamal is a total purist, but even we both had to agree that the thing is pretty damn sweet. All chromed out and shit. But Pete's been getting all kinds of new toys since he got the promotion and the baby. I'm not sure what that's all about, but I'm telling ya, his TV is just absurd."
"Sweetheart-"
"Oh yeah, sorry." I was leaning against the frame of the bathroom door. I turned around and entered the bathroom.
As I stood in front of the mirror, my slowly growing sense of alarm competed with my sincere amusement at the image before me. There I was in the mirror, completely normal looking, except for the fact that there was a red and white checkered cloth blooming from my left ear. It looked to be about a one foot square. It was a little weird.
*********************
Ok, I'm gonna finish this later. Right now I'm going to freddy's (greatest bar in brooklyn, and therefore, quite possibly, greatest bar in the known universe) but the idea is this:
Its a story about a guy who's wife (or GF, not sure yet) pulls his unknown misstress out of his head through his ear, along with a romantic candle-lit dinner, minus the table (c'mon, that would be impossible!) She pulls out a tablecloth first, then cheese and wine and silverware, and stuff keeps popping out, and then she keeps pulling and a stocking suspender comes out, then a garter belt, etc. Eventually a woman comes out of his ear, and its just a whole big mess.
-wjrs
==================================================
sun is up (way up!) so I should prolly star a newjournal entry if I mean to continue.
but I'm not gonna cuz I'm fairly drunk. blessed be. Ed Bee. Love that guy... Good man.
"Dnewwiezellitorat?" came Maggie's reply. That really didn't make sense, I thought to myself.
"What did you say?" I replied, "Hold on babe, I'm almost done." But as the words left my mouth I realized that they didn't sound right. They sounded as though my voice was coming from somewhere inside my skull, which was true enough, but still it didn't sound right.
"Icehead, yuyuwawa eepitor what?" I dropped the cables I was fumbling with and pulled myself out from behind the entertainment center. Turning around, I saw Maggie looking at me with a look of vague confusion on her face.
"Sorry hon, I still didn't get that. I think there's something in my ear. Both of them, actually," I said.
"Icancy at." The confusion on Maggie's face was morphing into a look of concern. "Waatufuccisat?" She reached around the left side of my head and pulled on something that was appearantly hanging out of my ear. As she tugged, I instinctively jerked my head in the opposite direction. I felt a clothy sensation in both of my ear canals at once. As she puled something out of my left ear, my right ear suddenly became unblocked. Now I could hear clearly, albeit in mono.
"Babe, what the hell is going on?" Mags was starting to get a bit worked up. I had no idea what was going on.
"I don't know, what did you just pull out of my ear?"
"It's still in your ear, Bill! What is that!?"
I lifted my left arm to my ear and felt a hanky sized piece of cloth hanging out of my ear. I didn't remember putting anything in there. I'm not the emperor of hygine, but stuffing hankerchiefs in my ear didn't seem like the kind of thing I would normally do, although I have been a touch forgetful recently. I pulled the cloth around in front of my face and I saw a fuzzy red and white pattern in front of my left eyeball. I headed to the bathroom to check it out in the mirror, with Maggie close on my heels.
"Where in God's green did you go with Jamal and Pete last night? Jesus Christ, Bill, I swear, you guys are fucking ridiculous when you get together!"
"I told you, we were at Pete's all night playing Halo and shit. Ruby was out at her mom's place with the baby, so we grilled some shark steaks and played video games. You know Pete got that new gas grill. I'm still not sure how I feel about gas grilling as opposed to charcoal, and you know Jamal is a total purist, but even we both had to agree that the thing is pretty damn sweet. All chromed out and shit. But Pete's been getting all kinds of new toys since he got the promotion and the baby. I'm not sure what that's all about, but I'm telling ya, his TV is just absurd."
"Sweetheart-"
"Oh yeah, sorry." I was leaning against the frame of the bathroom door. I turned around and entered the bathroom.
As I stood in front of the mirror, my slowly growing sense of alarm competed with my sincere amusement at the image before me. There I was in the mirror, completely normal looking, except for the fact that there was a red and white checkered cloth blooming from my left ear. It looked to be about a one foot square. It was a little weird.
*********************
Ok, I'm gonna finish this later. Right now I'm going to freddy's (greatest bar in brooklyn, and therefore, quite possibly, greatest bar in the known universe) but the idea is this:
Its a story about a guy who's wife (or GF, not sure yet) pulls his unknown misstress out of his head through his ear, along with a romantic candle-lit dinner, minus the table (c'mon, that would be impossible!) She pulls out a tablecloth first, then cheese and wine and silverware, and stuff keeps popping out, and then she keeps pulling and a stocking suspender comes out, then a garter belt, etc. Eventually a woman comes out of his ear, and its just a whole big mess.
-wjrs
==================================================
sun is up (way up!) so I should prolly star a newjournal entry if I mean to continue.
but I'm not gonna cuz I'm fairly drunk. blessed be. Ed Bee. Love that guy... Good man.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
now for the questions, which were good btw
1. sadly the most violent thing i've done was throw a high heel across the room in a fit of rage and puncture a hole in the closet door....which i then put up a poster to cover so i wouldn't get in throuble. I also have kicked a hole in a wall once which my dad made me write i was a very bad girl when i did this, lame.
2. my favorite dish of all time would have to be my home made lasagna, fucking awesome
3. i quit eating tootsie pops long ago so i'll just go with 69 licks