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jacksalt

Member Since 2004

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Wednesday Jul 30, 2008

Jul 30, 2008
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I keep telling myself "one day I WILL post again..."

Apparently today is that day.
So it's raining, I was a grumpy ass all morning, and I'm shirking my work. What's new, right?
Seems like the melancholy "what's my life all about" questions are afflicting lots of us. Creeping mortality? Meeping crortality? Who knows.
I know it's been said over and over here, but I spent last week missing Faire. It's been hard to get back into the swing of "normal" life again. Who am I kidding, my life isn't normal at all. It may bear a vague resemblance but that's it.
As for Faire, it's not necessarily the activities or Faire itself that I miss- there is a regularity, a purpose and deliberateness about the weekend faire "work"- it has a very clear purpose. The tasks are simple and repetitive, you know exactly what to expect and what needs to be done and when, and while there is certainly a "work" element to it, the tasks are far from difficult and they are performed in an atmosphere of fun.
I also feel like I have a definite role, a persona. Maybe that's it- I know exactly who I am at Faire, and that's not really true elsewhere. All of us are made of different people- husband, worker, etc.- and I rarely find a happy balance between all those different aspects to my psyche, leaving me feeling perpetually uncomfortable and slightly out of place.
Faire is just a bit sharper, clearer, and crisper.
I also have met quite a few new people and made some new friends who I am anxious to continue building a friendship with. This will be difficult as I may see them a grand total of 2-3 times between now and next June, and it is never a given that they will be back in June. In fact, some will not be. So while there is this happy new feeling of discovery, it is tempered AT THE SAME TIME with a sense of loss. That sucks.
So in the course of this emotional and intellectual maelstrom, it has been difficult to focus on the areas that need it- work, home, etc.- and to not feel like an ass much of the time. Throw into the mix that I have been feeling every day of my 37 years, it leaves me emotionally lacklustre much of the time. As I am sure some people could tell you.

In good news-
1. Had a good time at Boonesboro last weekend. The surprise visit by Pallid_Regina was a definite high point, as was the friday night campfire music session. BossyBucket also was there, and APPEARED to have a good time. I can only guess, as I only saw her for around a grand total of 15 minutes.

2. Pirates of Paynetown is coming up- I'm horribly excited.

3. the CLA (Contemporary Longrifle Assocation) is also coming up. See horribly excited above. I need to remember to not spend thousands of dollars while there.

4. Been digging on some music lately. Mythfish sent me a cd of some pretty doggone good stuff. Colin Melloy solo, Black 47, LOTS of sea songs... good times. I broke down and bought the new Be Your Own Pet too. Jury still out.

Too damn many things to do this coming weekend. Unfortunately (as awful as it sounds) I have family birthday this Saturday. I would MUCH rather do one of the other million things we have been invited to do. Other birthday parties, Dublin Irish Fest, and on. So many invites in fact I can't remember them all. On the up side, I GET TO GO SAILING SUNDAY!! HA HA!!
My classes start. So here we go- I finally get to learn how to sail my little boat, and I'm all fired up about new rigs, rigging, paint jobs, blah blah blah. Hee hee!

Lastly, there is an all day card game/movie fest in my future. Be prepared for it.

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