Storytime sweethearts...
So I've been feeling like ass all day today, like my muscles are pulsing and tearing and throbbing. My stomach has felt like I swallowed a live badger and he's pissed and wants out! So finally after napping after school and whatnot I decide to go to bed at like 10:30pm or so. I watch that show Paranormal State before I'm slumber, which the show is about haunted places so not good bedtime fodder. Anyway I've turned the tv off and I'm squirmin' in bed for a while trying to find a comfortable position where my stomach doesn't feel like its going to leap straight out of my chest cavity and now I'm comfortable enough and I'm drifting off to sleep.... and the next thing I know I feel something... in my hair!!!! So first thought is G-G-G-gulp-GHOSTS!!!!!!!!!! I leap straight up and see a small figure dashing around my bed. So I rip up the covers and flip the lights on as I make some rather girly noise and as soon as the light comes on I realize what I'm dealing with...
Weebs! My mousey roommate!
He shows himself for the first time in months and without his back rent, fucking deadbeat. I feel like shit and have just been woken up so I'm a ragin' cajun. I look and he is trapped between the wall and my bed so I grab some tongs from the drawer and a piece of mail, I use the mail to coax his this way and that way and every which way but loose to no avail. I go so far as to prop up my heavy heavy king size mattress against the wall to get a better angle at him. Then just as I'm about to get him he lunges at me, right across my box-spring towards my feet and into the pile of sheets now laying in a heap on my floor. I slowly pick up this and that random article of clothing that has been on my floor for a week or so. Then I spot him. He tries to make another run for it and as luck would have it right into a already propped open sock. I snatch the sock up with absolute ferocity yet gentle not to squish him.
I say " Weebs, what the hell man?" "Where's the rent you owe me?"
Weebs is all like " Shit, I been trying to get a job but they won't hire me cuz I don't have no typin' skills, fascists."
I tell him " C'mon Weebs I've heard this song and dance before and you're no Dean Martin"
"One more chance?"" I'm a great watchmen, none of your stuff has been stolen since I been here." Weebs says
I tell him thats why we have keyed entry into the building so I don't need to worry about security. I says to him, " Sorry Weebs but your ass is evicted, its my name on the lease not yours." I told him I'd pack up all his mousey things and set it on the curb in the morning.
Then I took the sock and put it in a ziplock bag as I got my clothes and shoes on and it was out the door. I walked down to the end of the block far enough where he could find some other apartment building to charm his way into and far enough not to get back into mine. As I shook him out of the bag I wished him good luck and hope he finds a job so he can eat all the cheese he wants. I feel bad letting him go, it was kinda nice not to be alone in the apartment but I never invited him in and anyways he just got to be a pest. Well thats the story, my stomach is still feeling like a rabid badger's chew toy and I'm really tired. I shoulda got a goodbye picture with Weebs. Wonder if I'll ever see the cheese eating bastard again?
So I've been feeling like ass all day today, like my muscles are pulsing and tearing and throbbing. My stomach has felt like I swallowed a live badger and he's pissed and wants out! So finally after napping after school and whatnot I decide to go to bed at like 10:30pm or so. I watch that show Paranormal State before I'm slumber, which the show is about haunted places so not good bedtime fodder. Anyway I've turned the tv off and I'm squirmin' in bed for a while trying to find a comfortable position where my stomach doesn't feel like its going to leap straight out of my chest cavity and now I'm comfortable enough and I'm drifting off to sleep.... and the next thing I know I feel something... in my hair!!!! So first thought is G-G-G-gulp-GHOSTS!!!!!!!!!! I leap straight up and see a small figure dashing around my bed. So I rip up the covers and flip the lights on as I make some rather girly noise and as soon as the light comes on I realize what I'm dealing with...
Weebs! My mousey roommate!
He shows himself for the first time in months and without his back rent, fucking deadbeat. I feel like shit and have just been woken up so I'm a ragin' cajun. I look and he is trapped between the wall and my bed so I grab some tongs from the drawer and a piece of mail, I use the mail to coax his this way and that way and every which way but loose to no avail. I go so far as to prop up my heavy heavy king size mattress against the wall to get a better angle at him. Then just as I'm about to get him he lunges at me, right across my box-spring towards my feet and into the pile of sheets now laying in a heap on my floor. I slowly pick up this and that random article of clothing that has been on my floor for a week or so. Then I spot him. He tries to make another run for it and as luck would have it right into a already propped open sock. I snatch the sock up with absolute ferocity yet gentle not to squish him.
I say " Weebs, what the hell man?" "Where's the rent you owe me?"
Weebs is all like " Shit, I been trying to get a job but they won't hire me cuz I don't have no typin' skills, fascists."
I tell him " C'mon Weebs I've heard this song and dance before and you're no Dean Martin"
"One more chance?"" I'm a great watchmen, none of your stuff has been stolen since I been here." Weebs says
I tell him thats why we have keyed entry into the building so I don't need to worry about security. I says to him, " Sorry Weebs but your ass is evicted, its my name on the lease not yours." I told him I'd pack up all his mousey things and set it on the curb in the morning.
Then I took the sock and put it in a ziplock bag as I got my clothes and shoes on and it was out the door. I walked down to the end of the block far enough where he could find some other apartment building to charm his way into and far enough not to get back into mine. As I shook him out of the bag I wished him good luck and hope he finds a job so he can eat all the cheese he wants. I feel bad letting him go, it was kinda nice not to be alone in the apartment but I never invited him in and anyways he just got to be a pest. Well thats the story, my stomach is still feeling like a rabid badger's chew toy and I'm really tired. I shoulda got a goodbye picture with Weebs. Wonder if I'll ever see the cheese eating bastard again?
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Ever.