Man today has really been a bad day. I went to my Aunt's funeral. I think it took everything I had not to ball into tears.
Worse I had to go into work afterwards. I was working with a pretty cool co-worker, I was just depressed because the management seems to be in chaos and they have me planned for a six hour plus closing shift due totally alone. No possibility for breaks or anything. I first thought it was a mistake but after calling the temporary manager it really was true. And really that's just the latest in a long line of dreadful work occurrences.
I also decided that it looks like I'm going to have to sell my camera gear to help pay for school. Which is sad in it's self but what is worrying me is how do I go about doing that without getting screwed. I mean I'm not trying to regain everything I paid for it just enough to clear any debts I have in the states and give me enough money for the first month in Toronto.
Worse the whole situation has my Dad treating me as if I've fucked up royally. I mean my camera gear may have not been the best decision in retrospect and I take responsibility for that but I was never actually expecting to get into Toronto. It also has given me a creative outlet that has resulted in the last few months being some of the best depression wise in a long time, and really that last thing has made it worth it for me even if I only make back enough to finish paying it off.
I mean a lot of people don't really understand how depression can really destroy your life and the perception of it. I mean I still haven't found that one person who can be my unwavering rock to keep me safe so I've really just had to rely on myself to do what I think is best for me.
Well I'm going to try and get some sleep since I have to get up early. I hope it does me some good as I am extremely depressed.
Worse I had to go into work afterwards. I was working with a pretty cool co-worker, I was just depressed because the management seems to be in chaos and they have me planned for a six hour plus closing shift due totally alone. No possibility for breaks or anything. I first thought it was a mistake but after calling the temporary manager it really was true. And really that's just the latest in a long line of dreadful work occurrences.
I also decided that it looks like I'm going to have to sell my camera gear to help pay for school. Which is sad in it's self but what is worrying me is how do I go about doing that without getting screwed. I mean I'm not trying to regain everything I paid for it just enough to clear any debts I have in the states and give me enough money for the first month in Toronto.
Worse the whole situation has my Dad treating me as if I've fucked up royally. I mean my camera gear may have not been the best decision in retrospect and I take responsibility for that but I was never actually expecting to get into Toronto. It also has given me a creative outlet that has resulted in the last few months being some of the best depression wise in a long time, and really that last thing has made it worth it for me even if I only make back enough to finish paying it off.
I mean a lot of people don't really understand how depression can really destroy your life and the perception of it. I mean I still haven't found that one person who can be my unwavering rock to keep me safe so I've really just had to rely on myself to do what I think is best for me.
Well I'm going to try and get some sleep since I have to get up early. I hope it does me some good as I am extremely depressed.
Dads are good at letting you know you messed up after the occurance aren't they? Especially when they say helpful things like "I knew this would happen". Really? Could have told me then!
I don't think an unwavering rock exists, it's expecting far to much from one person. Only lightly wavering rocks are the best bet, theres a few more of them.
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