jackie113272

So funny looking back at how anxious & excited I was, to see Lisa & be around her again....
unfortunately, things didn't go as well as I had imagined they might.
We did go fishing at brite lake & had a silly time trying our damndest to catch some bass or trout, but between us both we just kept getting our line tangled or caught on some rocks....it was pretty funny though, but forgetting beer & munchies was not!!!
Friday night we went out dancing at some nightclub in downtown bakersfield, it was sooooo much fun & we kept getting hot so we'd toss ice down each others tops & she even slid a piece down my ass! Whew, that froze my ass! LOL
But it was a blast, and I suppose because they noticed we were getting all touchy-feely (making-out & grinding) with each other, some manager or a guy who worked at the club kept taking photos of she & I. We didn't mind.
But afterwards, at like 1:30am we headed outside cause we'd had our share of wild fun.....and there were a bunch of pigs (Oops! cops I mean) lol standing along the middle of the street like they were watching out for someone to arrest. I accidentally mentioned to Lisa that there are a lot of shootings in downtown, the last was a couple months back on the news.....and she started puking! Oops! Shouldn't have relayed that info.

Then we chilled on a bench at the end of the main drag, as she continued to throw up (it was little bits, nothing I had to hold hair back for which was good) lol
anyway, some young white boys walked up and talked to us for like an hour....just being stupid kids (I think they said they were 19 or somethin)
but they made us laugh which was cool I guess.
Finally we got picked up by my ex (since we drank like fish that night) ....and crashed when we got home.
Onto Saturday....we got up kinda late but took a walk to the apple shed right down the street from my place, and had lunch then pieces of yummy fudge afterward on the patio outside. But instead of going & doing something just 1-on-1, we had my ex pick us up (it was 105 out - too hot to walk back home, we're such girls) ....I thought hey, let's have him drop us at the park & just chill or whatever, but instead....the ex blurts out "do ya wanna go offroading instead" ....and Lisa is like "alright, lets do that".....so there ya go....and we went to rosamond/lancaster desert area & drove up the hills for a couple hours. It was okay, but at that point I was not too happy cuz I figured I'd have all the weekend to be AWAY from the ex & some time to myself from being with my son - didn't happen that way, so I was a bit disappointed. Anyway, we get home and the ex cooks shrimp & pasta for everyone....but being the emotional girl I am, I went to sit on my bed & turned on music while just sitting there contemplating why things never go my way.....
Lisa came in after forever & sat beside me while I cried a little....she's like "everything that's going on has finally hit you, huh" & I shook my head. It was sweet she understood what was up.
Long story short (HA!)
she got her amtrak ticket after dinner (went online)....then we just chilled doing nothing & I (stupid romantic-at-heart me) asked her if she would be down to become girlfriends....and I was turned down....because as she says "I'm not ready for that...let's just date non-monogamously and see what happens, but if you can't handle doing that then we could be friends"
I truly felt like she led me on a bit, cause in our first emails even, she was going on about how she was down to be with a woman monogamously......so I assumed since she & I had made out & held hands, blah blah blah.....that she would be as into being an item as I was.....
no luck. So, I said okay....and we fell asleep.
Drove her to lancaster amtrak station at 7:30am on sunday morn'....and just hugged goodbye real quick before I took off.
It was a less-then-great weekend all around.

I have since wrote her an email explaining why I was a bit hurt & confused by her answer, but she said when she feels pressured she's less likely to want to commit. I wasn't ever pressuring her....so it's like "where is her head at?!"
That's the last correspondence between us yesterday. She'd have to contact me if she wants to talk, cause after that "I feel pressured" crap, I won't be contacting her anytime soon. You know???!
You guys must see why I'm kinda thinking she is confusing, after all that. Right? Or am I way off???
Nevertheless, I'm movin' on.....I can do better than this. It's probably best I find someone who says what they mean & will back that up in reality.
Oh yeah, and I'm still moving out on my own in October.....need to choose a place first though. I'll keep you all updated on those haps.
Thanks for stickin' around for this whole nonsense!