jackie

Anyone who knows meknows that I am actually a real rock star! I dont shout it about coz I dont wanna be mobbed or anythingWell, recently Ive opened my own Jackies school of imaginary rock and I thought I would share a few of my most recent lessons with you.

Lesson one: THE LOOK

Yes thats right. The first and most important lesson is looking the part.
Youll need a bandana to tie around your head in the most rock n roll fashion and youll also need to practice your best rock face! Here is mine and I think youll agree. I look as hard as nails.



Lesson two: YOUR INSTRUMENT

Choose your instrument Do you wanna be the front man in which case youll need a microphone. Here at Jackies school of imaginary rock, weve found a hair brush to work best for this, although any object that can be held easily is fine. (ie: a drinking bottle or mobile phone)
A drummer For this youll just need some drum sticks. Wooden spoons and pencils also work just fine. If you want to be really flash you could make some drums too. (sauce pan lids, empty boxes, your friends head or bum etc)
Bass or guitar player now although complete air guitar is absolutely fine, weve found using an object is much more fun. Anything from a tennis racket to a broom.

In this lesson we are concentrating mainly on lead guitar but will also cover bass very briefly.
Weve used the card-board roll from the centre of some xmas wrapping paper as our instrument
(The look plus chosen instrument)



Lesson three: PLAYING YOUR INTRUMENT

Bass:
If you choose to be bass player, you must note the positioning of holding your instrument and special attention must be made to the facial expression.
Here I am doing a classic bass motion. Keep knees and ankles together at all times and keep knees bent. Make sure you play your bass down by your knees and you could maybe bob up and down to the music. Keep lips pursed as this makes you look very cool!
(Example)



Lead guitar:
Now this is my personal favourite. You have the standard guitar playing motions which involve just moving around to the music whist doing guitar moves.
(Like this)



Then we have the heavy metal guitar solo. For this you can really go to town. I find standing with your legs as wide apart as you can and still be upright is the perfect stance. Nod only your head at fellow band mates and crinkle your nose as much as possible. Remember your rock look from lesson 1 at all times.
(Example)



Guitar solo example 2 takes a bit of practice and is accomplished easier on a shiny polished floor. Ive done it on carpet and received some quite painful carpet burns on my knees. You need to run and then jump landing on your knees thus sliding across the floor whilst still playing your guitar. Its a great finish to any song and it guaranteed to impress your friends and fellow band members.
Remember to always keep your rock face during guitar solos. Lots of expression is needed to pull it off. Like so



Lesson four: THE ROCK JUMP

This is a great move for all band members and once perfected is a great infill when you forget what to do next. The object of the move is to get as much air as possible between you and the ground. Preferably with one leg outstretched in front of you and the other bent under you. (if you can do this move before the previous guitar solo move, youve got it made) now, you may want to practice using a bar or counter as support before trying it free style like so..



Or for extra air you may wanna do it off of a chair or stairs

Here is one of my free style moves




So thats the end of your Jackies school of imaginary rock lesson.

Now crank it up and practice.

Ill be expecting you to send me pictures of you in action.

Anyone that wants rock lessons, feel free to contact me to enroll in my school