Captain's logue, stardate977.83: All the Enterprise's view screens, have been taken over, by a photo set, shot by, the galaxy famous, @SUNSHINE, entitled "CLEAR", featuring an Earth woman, called @BUTTERFLYANDMARISHKA,. (Hereafter, referred to as,BFM) I've seen beautiful females of many species, but I can't believe my eyes. She seems to be perfect, but that's impossible! I turn to science officer, Spock, for analysis: "Captain, it is quite illogical, to say that ANYTHING, is impossible. Furthermore, the data i have gathered, concerning body mass index, moles, above perfect hineys, porcelain-like skin, delicious nipples, the golden ratio, & the entire history of human aesthetics -all indicate, that she is indeed, perfect. Since I am half-human, I am strongly attracted to her. If she were Vulcan, I would go into a brain fever, & be forced to kill somebody." - (note to self: keep Vulcan chicks, off the ship!!!!) - For confirmation, I consulted medical officer, Mc Coy - "MY GOD, Jim, she's perfect. ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!!!" A cold sweat, was pouring off of him. I ordered "Bones" to get control of himself. To which he replied, "Damn it, Jim, I'm just a Doctor - a VERY horny Doctor!!!!!!!"
Having time to fill, I called upon my other systems officers. - "Lt Uhura, your analysis, please." She uncoiled her long legs, & replied "Capt. My analysis is, if you let BFM, on the bridge, my television career, may be over!" I absorbed this, with a sharp intake of breath. I decided to call on Sulu, even though, i can't remember, what he actually, does. "Report, Mr. Sulu." - "Capt. The entire Federation knows, I'm gay. But, even I, can't take my eyes off BFM!!!!" Spock observed' "Most unusual." - Finally, I called Scotty, in engineering: "Aye Cap'n. That Lassie is as hot as a hagis, that got left, in the back of me Mum's oven! If we can't cool the dilythium crystals, the whole ship'll blow!!!!!!!!!"
Meanwhile, the Tribbles, who had overrun the Enterprise, quit mating with each other -throwing themselves against the viewing screens, attempting to mate, with the pictures of BFM!!!" I had, no time to lose. i poked out the eyes of the entire crew, set fasers to "STUNNING", diverted all power , to achieve warped 10, and broke free of SG- the website that, boldly goes, where no perv has gone before!!!!!
