Blergh. I was having a really rotten day today, then it got better, then it got a lot better, and now it's tumbling down to rotten again. Technically I guess it's yesterday, since it's 4:00am.
Slept until 3:00 in the afternoon, after staying up until 5:00 that morning. I never notice it until a week in, but when my sleep schedule begins to shift towards a more nocturnal model, I get really irritable. I think not having enough sun really impacts me, despite my complete lack of awareness of it. The days are getting shorter now, which is something that I lament a great deal. So if I wake up at 2:00 in the afternoon, I get like five hours of sunlight. And not good sunlight, either. It's already going down at that point. If I do this for a few days in a row, I start to get really cranky. I need to keep this in mind for the future, so I stop repeating this pattern.
So, yeah. I was in a foul mood pretty much upon waking up. Tim and Meagan came over for a second. They do this often; come over just to say hello, when it's very clear that they don't have any interest in hanging out or doing anything. I'm not exactly sure why they do it, or what makes them think it's a good idea. It's like they're saying, "Hey! We're having a great time enjoying each other's company, and we're so enamored with each other still, that we don't really need you around to have a good time. We were thinking of watching a movie and making out, or going to the gym together, or doing something that you either can't or aren't really invited to do... anyway, see ya!" Sometimes it's an invitation to do stuff, but most of the time it's not. They come over, say hello, hang around in that awkward way for a minute, and then find an excuse to leave. And all it does is leave a really crappy, awkward feeling in the air. Clearly they don't realize that, but I can't really tell them. They're trying to be nice. They're just failing at it.
So that happened. And I was in a shitty mood. And then I spent the day studying French, which didn't do much for my mood, either. There's very little that can be done to study French aside from rote memorization, which is just a bummer. Flash cards, lists, charts, etc. are never fun or engaging to look at, and really, aren't the best way to absorb vocabulary. So that was a bummer.
Then Nick offered me some food, so I went over there. And this stupid discussion started about which is worse in a woman - smoking or drinking. It's a discussion that has no ultimate answer, and no possibility for intelligent discourse, either. You can't have a good point in a discussion like that; it's one hundred percent subjective opinion. Nevertheless, Tim and Nick insisted on arguing about it. And then it turned into which one I, personally, hated more. And they were arguing about that. It didn't matter much what I had to say. They were arguing over which one I hated more, without my input. So eventually I just said, "this conversation is stupid," and found an excuse to leave. I don't know if it's the sunlight, or the weird sleep schedule, or what, but being around my friends is turning into a disgusting experience for me. Tim wants to work on the script tomorrow, and I may just have to say, "I can't be around you today. I need a break." I don't know how I'm going to go about saying that, but it might have to be said.
So then, after that whole stupid episode, I came home and realized I'd left my phone in my bedroom all day. Usually not a big deal as I don't get that many phone calls, but when I checked my phone, I had two missed calls and two voicemails from Ellen, the woman I've been on a few dates with recently. She was in Oregon on a vacation and she got back today. Although she was only gone for the weekend, and she probably said she was only gone for the weekend, in my brain she was supposed to be gone for a week. I wasn't expecting her back today at all. She really wanted to see me today and her voicemails were very sweet. I was disappointed, both because I didn't see her and in myself for dropping the ball. It would have been a much needed improvement on the day if I got to see her. Thus, my day was rotten.
Luckily right as I got those missed calls a very good friend of mine called, and we spent about an hour on the phone. That was a nice surprise. This is the "got better" part of my day. And not soon after that, Ellen and I managed to catch each other on Facebook and have a nice phone conversation, too. So that was the "got even better" part of my day. We're going to hang out tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it a great deal.
I got off the phone with Ellen around 1:30, and now it's 4:00. Can't sleep. Tried to sleep, and I have all this energy because I woke up so late earlier. I'm drumming on things and tapping my toes, and thinking about grocery lists and telling the manager at my old job what a piece of shit he is. Can't stop my mind from going. I really want to sleep, so I can get up early tomorrow, reset my sleep schedule, and attempt to lift myself up out of the rut that I'm sinking into. But I can't sleep. So my day is sinking down to rotten again.
Beh.
Slept until 3:00 in the afternoon, after staying up until 5:00 that morning. I never notice it until a week in, but when my sleep schedule begins to shift towards a more nocturnal model, I get really irritable. I think not having enough sun really impacts me, despite my complete lack of awareness of it. The days are getting shorter now, which is something that I lament a great deal. So if I wake up at 2:00 in the afternoon, I get like five hours of sunlight. And not good sunlight, either. It's already going down at that point. If I do this for a few days in a row, I start to get really cranky. I need to keep this in mind for the future, so I stop repeating this pattern.
So, yeah. I was in a foul mood pretty much upon waking up. Tim and Meagan came over for a second. They do this often; come over just to say hello, when it's very clear that they don't have any interest in hanging out or doing anything. I'm not exactly sure why they do it, or what makes them think it's a good idea. It's like they're saying, "Hey! We're having a great time enjoying each other's company, and we're so enamored with each other still, that we don't really need you around to have a good time. We were thinking of watching a movie and making out, or going to the gym together, or doing something that you either can't or aren't really invited to do... anyway, see ya!" Sometimes it's an invitation to do stuff, but most of the time it's not. They come over, say hello, hang around in that awkward way for a minute, and then find an excuse to leave. And all it does is leave a really crappy, awkward feeling in the air. Clearly they don't realize that, but I can't really tell them. They're trying to be nice. They're just failing at it.
So that happened. And I was in a shitty mood. And then I spent the day studying French, which didn't do much for my mood, either. There's very little that can be done to study French aside from rote memorization, which is just a bummer. Flash cards, lists, charts, etc. are never fun or engaging to look at, and really, aren't the best way to absorb vocabulary. So that was a bummer.
Then Nick offered me some food, so I went over there. And this stupid discussion started about which is worse in a woman - smoking or drinking. It's a discussion that has no ultimate answer, and no possibility for intelligent discourse, either. You can't have a good point in a discussion like that; it's one hundred percent subjective opinion. Nevertheless, Tim and Nick insisted on arguing about it. And then it turned into which one I, personally, hated more. And they were arguing about that. It didn't matter much what I had to say. They were arguing over which one I hated more, without my input. So eventually I just said, "this conversation is stupid," and found an excuse to leave. I don't know if it's the sunlight, or the weird sleep schedule, or what, but being around my friends is turning into a disgusting experience for me. Tim wants to work on the script tomorrow, and I may just have to say, "I can't be around you today. I need a break." I don't know how I'm going to go about saying that, but it might have to be said.
So then, after that whole stupid episode, I came home and realized I'd left my phone in my bedroom all day. Usually not a big deal as I don't get that many phone calls, but when I checked my phone, I had two missed calls and two voicemails from Ellen, the woman I've been on a few dates with recently. She was in Oregon on a vacation and she got back today. Although she was only gone for the weekend, and she probably said she was only gone for the weekend, in my brain she was supposed to be gone for a week. I wasn't expecting her back today at all. She really wanted to see me today and her voicemails were very sweet. I was disappointed, both because I didn't see her and in myself for dropping the ball. It would have been a much needed improvement on the day if I got to see her. Thus, my day was rotten.
Luckily right as I got those missed calls a very good friend of mine called, and we spent about an hour on the phone. That was a nice surprise. This is the "got better" part of my day. And not soon after that, Ellen and I managed to catch each other on Facebook and have a nice phone conversation, too. So that was the "got even better" part of my day. We're going to hang out tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it a great deal.
I got off the phone with Ellen around 1:30, and now it's 4:00. Can't sleep. Tried to sleep, and I have all this energy because I woke up so late earlier. I'm drumming on things and tapping my toes, and thinking about grocery lists and telling the manager at my old job what a piece of shit he is. Can't stop my mind from going. I really want to sleep, so I can get up early tomorrow, reset my sleep schedule, and attempt to lift myself up out of the rut that I'm sinking into. But I can't sleep. So my day is sinking down to rotten again.
Beh.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
barely:
i saw something vaguely like it once when i was reading a review about a roy orbison album, and fell in love with the idea. i altered it to that quote exactly, then started using it all the time - my 'about me's, my writing, etc.
atlas:
/hug