jabroni

As I turn(gulp!) 36, I feel it is my obligation to pass on the knowledge I've gathered over these many years. So, without further ado:

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes .

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.


Also, I promise when I hit the PowerBall tonight, I won't forget all of you special people. After all, I'll need people to wash my fleet of vehicles, clean my houses, etc.