Claire's rang this morning. The job I got has had it's hours cut all the way down to just 4!! At the shit wage it would have been anyway, it won't even be 20 a week.
I'm well unhapy. I'm gonna have to tell them I don't want the job, although I already said it was fine 'cause they put me on the spot and I really wanted to work there!!!
Suppose I should ask HB to keep me on a little while longer.. more hours there? Or new job entirely?
I need to escape this house, so I can be myself. I can barely even sit in my room undesurbed. It's like being a 12 yearold. I'm not allowed people over, and if they do my mother starts trying to push them out the door. They aren't allowed anything from the kitchen because apparently we can't afford it. We can't afford juice or a tin of beans? But she can afford to get married. She can afford to buy my brother a new game or gadget what seems like every week?
It's like living with someone with dementia. I thought now there was some other 'adult' around, it would be different. But he's her puppet. He can't even have a conversation with his own son without her. She dictates to him everything to say. It's like she's having the conversation through him. They sit there with the phone on loud speaker and she says, he repeats, the kid answers, she laughs, makes a comment, delivers the next line.
Is everyone around her stupid? Maybe that's why people cant come round, 'cause they'l see her for what she is. Abi and Edd have witnessed her idiocricies without me prompting a reaction from them and they think shes a fucking fruit loop.
Can't wait to get away. I need a job. Now.
xx