It's been a wacky ride these last few weeks/months. From indifference, to sadness to gut wrenching pain, to the feeling of wanting to vomit all day long to more sadness to understanding to letting go. Barely letting go.
I still feel like throwing up everyday. But now, I am getting to the point where I feel like I just want to get what I want out of life and I am just going to get it. Some good, positive things have happened in a shitty situation and all I know is I now think there are opportunities where there were only closed doors, hope where there was darkness and happiness when there was once pain.
I am not there yet...but then again I am not wrapped in a fetal position under the covers with the blinds drawn.
That's gotta count for something right?
I still feel like throwing up everyday. But now, I am getting to the point where I feel like I just want to get what I want out of life and I am just going to get it. Some good, positive things have happened in a shitty situation and all I know is I now think there are opportunities where there were only closed doors, hope where there was darkness and happiness when there was once pain.
I am not there yet...but then again I am not wrapped in a fetal position under the covers with the blinds drawn.
That's gotta count for something right?
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Wrapped in a ball with blinds drawn sometimes is the answer. Actually, my remedy for such malaise is to position myself to encounter something bigger than myself, bigger than my own drama. This is not a mechanism to hide from my self or deny my own emotions but simply a means of putting my personals in perspective. The place I now inhabit helps me to do this on a daily basis and life is much better as a result.
xo sarah