itburns

So I have a sister. Actually I have more than one, but tonight I'll just talk about the one. She's 5 years older than I am and is closest to me in age of the Itburns brood. She and I have had a love/hate, hate/hate, tolerate, love relationship over the years. She's sort of a freak, but that's always been a good thing because I got to take it all in: Mohawk w/ upside down cross in the stuble circa 1984; taking me to see PiL when I was 13; figuring out how to leave childish things behind and get a career circa late 1980's; etc. She is someone that is very close to me but who I always assumed didn't really understand the first thing about me. (I pretty much think that about everone).
Today we were having a semi-serious/semi-humorous email chain re work, life and the like. I was bitching about numerous things and returned to the common theme of a certain woman from my recent past. My sister typed the following:
"And I expect you loved whom you saw yourself as being when you were with crazy girl, which is not the same thing as loving her."
And it probably sums up that relationship and much of my recent past better than any other friend, shrink or bar tender has assessed Itburns Land in recent memory.

Not sure what this means or what I will do with it but it some how seems significant. It made me think of a quote from Bill Hicks that I have up in my kitchen:
Goddamn it. Do you want me to take my mask off and display my true self to you, you fucking worms?

I wonder if the masks I wear are as effective as I may think, or if anyone else really cares to look.