Right now, at this exact moment in the world, this world, the one that you and me, and that guy who sits in your class and wears long pants and a black hoody year round, all share, there exists a movie called...
"Karate Bear Fighter."
Karate. Bear. Fighter.
Karate.
Bear.
Fighter.
What the fuck else do you need to know? It's like "Snakes on a Plane." You read the title and you immediately know what you're going to get.
How can that title not make you giggle?
And it is a sequel.
A sequel to what?
Karate Bull Fighter.
Karate. Bull. Fighter.
But it gets better.
"But how, Matt? How could it get better than fighting a bear and a bull using only the power of karate," You might be asking, and rightfully so.
Both of these movies star the one, the only, Sonny Chiba.
Chiba, known by most as Hatori Hanzo, the sword maker from "Kill Bill," is the hardest working man in martial arts films. He is literally fucking everywhere. Like a slant-eyed Christopher Walken, he shows up in movies randomly, and one could make the argument that they both probably just wanders around, shows up on film sets, and no one has the heart (or grit) to tell them they aren't in the movie.
Except replace Walken's dancing skills with Chiba's ability to spin kick your fucking head off.
Chiba will always have a special place in my heart when, at the tender age of 10, he showed me in the movie "The Streetfighter" that the threat "I'll rip your nuts off" can be made good on.
Is there even enough alcohol in the world to properly prepare me for the brilliance that are these movies?
Is my frail mortal shell strong enough to withstand the ravaging of awesome these flicks will bestow upon my consciousness?
Matt
"Karate Bear Fighter."
Karate. Bear. Fighter.
Karate.
Bear.
Fighter.
What the fuck else do you need to know? It's like "Snakes on a Plane." You read the title and you immediately know what you're going to get.
How can that title not make you giggle?
And it is a sequel.
A sequel to what?
Karate Bull Fighter.
Karate. Bull. Fighter.
But it gets better.
"But how, Matt? How could it get better than fighting a bear and a bull using only the power of karate," You might be asking, and rightfully so.
Both of these movies star the one, the only, Sonny Chiba.
Chiba, known by most as Hatori Hanzo, the sword maker from "Kill Bill," is the hardest working man in martial arts films. He is literally fucking everywhere. Like a slant-eyed Christopher Walken, he shows up in movies randomly, and one could make the argument that they both probably just wanders around, shows up on film sets, and no one has the heart (or grit) to tell them they aren't in the movie.
Except replace Walken's dancing skills with Chiba's ability to spin kick your fucking head off.
Chiba will always have a special place in my heart when, at the tender age of 10, he showed me in the movie "The Streetfighter" that the threat "I'll rip your nuts off" can be made good on.
Is there even enough alcohol in the world to properly prepare me for the brilliance that are these movies?
Is my frail mortal shell strong enough to withstand the ravaging of awesome these flicks will bestow upon my consciousness?
Matt
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Now we are teaching three classes, which is all day. Sigh.