Ah HA! Take that Programming Logic! I tells ya, that midterm was MUCH easier than I'd expected. I think I might actually have done very well on it. Now this essay for Comp in Thursday ... WELL, that might be a harder sell. Punctuation and grammar have never been my strong points. We'll see. Could be I'm worried over nothing.
Been checking out the Aion Open Beta with my Dad and Sister lately. Since they both seem to be hooked on it and enjoy it a lot I thought to take a look. Very pretty game, well designed, intuitive UI. But it kind of feels less like taking on the role of a person in this world and more like being some detached overlord shuffling some minion around to complete tasks for wholly unrelatable people. But still, a fun distraction for the time being, and very pretty. I still want to check out Champions Online. We'll see, should get the financial aid here this week.
Finished Matt Stokoe's High Life. Wow, that book kind of climbed into my head and kicked things around. Which is good, messing things up in the comfort zone is healthy. But wow, really dark at times. And VERY poignant.
I lived a slight phantom existence this last weekend. It was kind of nice. Dani's husband was out of town for some thing, she was left home alone. We were SUPPOSED to go to Dragon Con together but well, best laid plans of mice and men and all. So instead she and I hung out on the phone, calls and texts, on MSN, in WoW. We just played around, had some fun and ... talked. And things happened. There was talk of cuddling, and the hows and whys of it all. We also pretty much fell asleep together, crashing out at the same time. It was a pseudo relationship to me for a time. I knew it wouldn't last, she'd have her knight return and I'd go back to being just the friend.
Always the friend. There when needed, stepping back when the real thing came up to take the wheel again.
I wish it didn't hurt so much. But I can't help it. That's what I want. And too many familiar echoes there.
She has him back, for the first time in days I haven't received a single text or call from her. Maybe he's no longer neglecting her as he has for the last month. How could anyone neglect her? She deserves to be loved.
The friend. The loyal guy who will stand in the rain waiting for you. Because he doesn't know how to be anything but.
I give up. Officially.
Perhaps this is the beginning of what its like to hit rock bottom. The all singing, all dancing, shit of the world.
If I could just disappear, slink off somewhere unknown for the next six months. Maybe I could come back and try this all again. Maybe it'd be easier if I could be forgotten. Because I'm far too nice a guy to ignore. Even when saying hi feels like someone has a knife in my belly and they're tearing out my guts.
Maybe I'm just tired of being me.
-JC
Been checking out the Aion Open Beta with my Dad and Sister lately. Since they both seem to be hooked on it and enjoy it a lot I thought to take a look. Very pretty game, well designed, intuitive UI. But it kind of feels less like taking on the role of a person in this world and more like being some detached overlord shuffling some minion around to complete tasks for wholly unrelatable people. But still, a fun distraction for the time being, and very pretty. I still want to check out Champions Online. We'll see, should get the financial aid here this week.
Finished Matt Stokoe's High Life. Wow, that book kind of climbed into my head and kicked things around. Which is good, messing things up in the comfort zone is healthy. But wow, really dark at times. And VERY poignant.
I lived a slight phantom existence this last weekend. It was kind of nice. Dani's husband was out of town for some thing, she was left home alone. We were SUPPOSED to go to Dragon Con together but well, best laid plans of mice and men and all. So instead she and I hung out on the phone, calls and texts, on MSN, in WoW. We just played around, had some fun and ... talked. And things happened. There was talk of cuddling, and the hows and whys of it all. We also pretty much fell asleep together, crashing out at the same time. It was a pseudo relationship to me for a time. I knew it wouldn't last, she'd have her knight return and I'd go back to being just the friend.
Always the friend. There when needed, stepping back when the real thing came up to take the wheel again.
I wish it didn't hurt so much. But I can't help it. That's what I want. And too many familiar echoes there.
She has him back, for the first time in days I haven't received a single text or call from her. Maybe he's no longer neglecting her as he has for the last month. How could anyone neglect her? She deserves to be loved.
The friend. The loyal guy who will stand in the rain waiting for you. Because he doesn't know how to be anything but.
I give up. Officially.
Perhaps this is the beginning of what its like to hit rock bottom. The all singing, all dancing, shit of the world.
If I could just disappear, slink off somewhere unknown for the next six months. Maybe I could come back and try this all again. Maybe it'd be easier if I could be forgotten. Because I'm far too nice a guy to ignore. Even when saying hi feels like someone has a knife in my belly and they're tearing out my guts.
Maybe I'm just tired of being me.
-JC
Well, i'm not going to wheel out that tired old line "she's not worth it, move on" because only you know if thats the case or not. And you are clearly not stupid, you know the best that life has to offer is worth waiting for, worth fighting for.
Having said all that, i wonder if she is being totally fair in this? I mean, excuse the lame phrase here, but she has the best of both worlds right now. You on the other hand, have love, and yes, good times with her, but also the pain that goes with it. So, i can't answer the question, but i kind of had to ask.
I wil say you've always seemed to have a really good grasp on this crazy thing we call life.
And so i know you'll come back.
Take it easy mate.