ironbhr

i hate this time of year.

sure blame the lack of sun...the weather whatever. but the fall and winter are the times that i turn into more of an asshole. i find myself having zero patients for people who piss me off ( so most people).

it is also the time of year that i end up doing the most personal reflection. i find myself withdrawing that much more and observing myself, my thought and attitudes. i find it difficult to put behind the things in the past that i have done/do/will do again. which of course is funny because i feel that i should be able to grow past myself.

but i find myself falling back to old habits and showing my bad attitude openly and publicly. sure i might not get along with everyone, but when the thought that my statements, attitude and general disposition might get me fired...well fuck...gives you reason to reflect.

i hate the holidays.... i'm such a creature of habit, that the time that you're supposed to be the happiest and spend time with your family.
why the hell do you thing so many people spiral downward during the holidays
i know i'll be happy watching soph get into her present. to be happy talking to my family back in ct on thanksgiving. waking up next to my wife new years day. i can feel the smiles now as i smile thinking about it.

but i still think about work. now in the back of my head that when is all said and done, i still think about work. sunday's are a prep day for how i want the week to run at work. planning ahead. it's gotten me this far...why does it stop?

i'm sick of my job and want a new one, my wife is sick of her's too (drama) but we just bought a home and it seems strange to up and leave with out good reason (not that it's even a thought)

makes you wonder about winning the lottery.

maybe i should sit down and write a novel or kids book or self help book for the masses or get into politics as an anti-lobbiest...

sausage is a great band...wish i had the cd still...les claypool is insane for a bassist