irelandvixen

Ok I figured it was time for a new Journal since everytime I look at that one I cry! UGH! I hate this! Im really not trying to make all my journals seem down and depressing, I dont want to be seen as the drama girl. But when it boils down to it, I write what I feel here cause I am comfortable enough to do it without feeling judged and without my mom seeing it haha! I cant tell her or some exactly how I feel cause they worry so much! ESPECIALLY my mom! So I let it go here! So Im sorry if it sounds sad alot! Its just because I am sad alot! Right now anyway! I have a lot of happy coming soon! I know that much! My daughter will be the light in the darkness. I will love her for the both of us! I cant help but wish he was here! I still break down and cry then get angry and talk to him asking him how he could do this to us. To get no answer no relief. I hate being alone all the time! Im getting by honestly its just day by day and some days are harder than others! I went out with my friends yesterday for my friends birthday and I just feel so distant from them like I cant relate to them. I hate being around happy couples it just makes me realize how much I miss him and wish he was here. He was my social butterfly. He always wanted to be around others and he was never afraid to be himself and I loved him for that! If you met him you would love him, you almost couldnt help it. He would always make you laugh! Its so hard to live without him! I want him to know how much I love him, I want to tell him how proud of him I really was! I truely wish time machines were real so I could make this right! But I cant! he will forever be gone! He will always be in my heart but i wish he were in my arms. anyways............


Went to the Doctor the other day. Shes very happy with how strong the babys heartbeat is! Measured me and happy with that too! Its so funny everytime they take the microphone to look for her heartbeat she kicks the microphone and it makes a loud THUD noise. It cracks me up! SHE DOES IT EVERYTIME! I had another ultrasound not too long ago and it confirmed she was deffinately a girl! THANK GOD!!! Her names gonna be IRELYNN ROSE, me and matt both loved it and part of it is a tribute to matts best friend who helped us out when we needed a place to say during the snow storm and she was concieved in his BED hahaha! But his middle name is Lynn so it worked out perfect, totally meant to be cause I had decided thats what I wanted to name her before I found out his middle name was Lynn. I have the ultrasounds I didnt have a scanner so I had to take a pic of the ultrasound so its not great quality but Im gonna post them ANYWAYS! My Little girl ISNT shy at all! LOL! Thats how me knew she was a girl she flashed her vajayjay at the camera haha! She fills me with so much joy and pain haha mostly cause she KICKS ME ALOT! And jumps on my blatter but I like knowing shes ok so I promote it! But LAst week she was on my siatic NERVE I was in so much pain that sucked! Its gotten better some. ok heres her pics
this is her whole body

here is her leg and foot, looks like shes modeling stockings hahaha

And here is her ITS A GIRL PIC of her flashing the camera lol!


I was always really afraid that since I was already big that I wouldnt look pregnant I would just look Fat. LOL! Well I have lost 27 pounds since I got pregnant and I have lost 30 before and started to really look good. I SOOOOOOOOOO Look pregnant! LOL! My belly is huge haha! ITs not the perfect round belly that most pregnant women get but its round none the less. next month I will be getting professional pregnancy pics taken so I will share those with you guys soon. Then Newborn and xmas pics to come too! SOOO EXCITED! Here is a pic of me looking pregnant, Not the best pic my hairs a mess no make up lol! But I just didnt care it was for my mom cause she wanted to see how big I was! LOL! but what the hell I will share!


Ill be 31 weeks this week, its going by pretty fast! I still want to have her OCTOBER 31st HALLOWEEN! But my due date is Nov 18th so we will see when she decides shes ready to come out. LORD that thought is so scary i know people been doing it FOREVER and I will be fine but Damn man! LOL! well Thats about it from here. Ill leave u with a pic of two from matts memorial. Love u guys thanks for listening and being there
all my friends and matts in the box beside me

Next blog Ill put up the collage with a poem I made for him it turned out great! HUGS!

Love-ireland