Today I spent about 35 minutes writing a blog here to talk about my journey in gaming and relationships and the search for the woman to win my soul. So after I wrote all of that out I deleted it. It was all true it had the right notes in it. I talked about having to make a choice of being a pro gamer back in 1999 win the most you could make a year was 20k if you were the best to moving to corporate world which I traded happiness for money. See I thought I knew better but I fell into the trap money = happiness. Without money I couldn't buy a car and had to live at home. If I lived at home and had a car then chances of having a romantic life was not really an option. So independence was required, okay to do that meant money was needed. So goodbye to pro gaming career and hello to corporate stooge. Well here we are 17 years later. In that time I've had 4 major relationships with 4 women that were great just as it happens in the end we all wanted different things. So realizing more work to be done on myself and what makes me happy about being me I've been refocused the last few years. The last two years I have been gaming again trying to get back to a form that will never be enough in today's gaming worldl, but on Twitch.tv I can be myself again enjoying the pure love of the games and sharing my knowledge. While I'm not as fast and as accurate compared to the young pups I can outsmart and outplay them on the mental side. So part of me that I gave up long ago has again made me happy and given me some clarity. Now as I feel like venturing out and finding a partner in crime I worry I will lose this part of my joy. So finding someone that can game with me is very important and just as difficult as it is to win the lottery.
So we know who we are and what we want but no clear road to find it. I know great love and I know even greater sorrow. I know it is never good to be someone's everything but to be someone's partner and have reciprocity with that person is a gift and battle.
So still a lot of blah blah up there in this blog but sometimes a blog is just thoughts and you say fuck it and post it. If you can see past the flesh I'm the knight that stands watch over the weak and defends your honor when you are not there to see it. I seek no glory other than to be loved.
Today I am happy to be me. I hope today in your journey you find a moment of happiness or two.
Good Journey
Ippaku