Soul Searching Sux... So Do Saturdays!
Just watching 'Jackass... behind the ass', and I've realized that I'll never be the carefree skateboarding 15/16/17 year old lunatic that I used to be - ever again.
Ciel's journal today really moved me. It was so bloody, brutal and true that it's given me some things to think about. I read it just before my folks came over to visit this afternoon and it's really helped me to put some things into perspective.
I was always really anti my Dad. He used to work: ALOT and I/we never had the time to spend with eachother. Later-on he didn't get 'the art thing' that I did/do and we just drifted apart, so much so that he became the bane of my existence. I consoled myself with the company of my mother and sister and their infrequent trips around London (I used to love my trips to Kings Road, Chelsea with them.
My brother and father were alien to me and thus were the enemy.
It's about this time that I realized that I have this over-whelming and compelling desire to own stuff. I had to buy, or be bought something everytime I went out somewhere.
I spent money... alot. I spent money that I didn't have. I spent and spent and spent and got in some major shit with my bank that I'm still in today (it's under control), hence I don't always have a card on me and I always have a fiver in my pocket.
It's also about the same time that I gave up going to the gym and began to eat.
And I ate.
Let me put this into perspective for you.
At my lightest (ever) I was about 11/12 stone (I was at the gym - and looking very gaunt), at my heaviest (very recently) I was pushing 20 stone. Eating and me go hand in hand. It's not my upbringing, it's not my parents fault. It's not society's influence on my subconscious - IT'S ME!
And it's something I have to deal with... and I will given time.
10, 11, 12 years later and life has happened to me. I met a wonderful woman (charlieguru) and we have a beautiful daughter (Leah Violet) and I'm still yo-yo-ing with my weight. However my relationship has completely changed with my Dad and brother, while I still have the quiet times with my Mum and sister (okay we don't go out to Chelsea anymore), but I know that they mean no harm.
So, back to Jackass - I love it...
... but I think I'll leave it to Steve-O and Knoxville to do rather than me.
I'm tired.
It's been a busy day.
Tomorrow: Marking homework, writing lesson plans and buying two fish (one goldfish and one black moore)
Night
Excelsior!
p.s.: It's now 0.04am, and it IS tomorrow! Bed time!
Just watching 'Jackass... behind the ass', and I've realized that I'll never be the carefree skateboarding 15/16/17 year old lunatic that I used to be - ever again.
Ciel's journal today really moved me. It was so bloody, brutal and true that it's given me some things to think about. I read it just before my folks came over to visit this afternoon and it's really helped me to put some things into perspective.
I was always really anti my Dad. He used to work: ALOT and I/we never had the time to spend with eachother. Later-on he didn't get 'the art thing' that I did/do and we just drifted apart, so much so that he became the bane of my existence. I consoled myself with the company of my mother and sister and their infrequent trips around London (I used to love my trips to Kings Road, Chelsea with them.
My brother and father were alien to me and thus were the enemy.
It's about this time that I realized that I have this over-whelming and compelling desire to own stuff. I had to buy, or be bought something everytime I went out somewhere.
I spent money... alot. I spent money that I didn't have. I spent and spent and spent and got in some major shit with my bank that I'm still in today (it's under control), hence I don't always have a card on me and I always have a fiver in my pocket.
It's also about the same time that I gave up going to the gym and began to eat.
And I ate.
Let me put this into perspective for you.
At my lightest (ever) I was about 11/12 stone (I was at the gym - and looking very gaunt), at my heaviest (very recently) I was pushing 20 stone. Eating and me go hand in hand. It's not my upbringing, it's not my parents fault. It's not society's influence on my subconscious - IT'S ME!
And it's something I have to deal with... and I will given time.
10, 11, 12 years later and life has happened to me. I met a wonderful woman (charlieguru) and we have a beautiful daughter (Leah Violet) and I'm still yo-yo-ing with my weight. However my relationship has completely changed with my Dad and brother, while I still have the quiet times with my Mum and sister (okay we don't go out to Chelsea anymore), but I know that they mean no harm.
So, back to Jackass - I love it...
... but I think I'll leave it to Steve-O and Knoxville to do rather than me.
I'm tired.
It's been a busy day.
Tomorrow: Marking homework, writing lesson plans and buying two fish (one goldfish and one black moore)
Night
Excelsior!
p.s.: It's now 0.04am, and it IS tomorrow! Bed time!
ciel:
lets get fit!!!