"Some folk'll never choke a bitch, but then again, some folk'll..."
Cleaning crew is here. A couple of big guys in grimy undershirts, sweating profusely and coming into my cubicle once in a while to spray my feet with pesticide, or vacuum under my chair while I'm on the phone. I've nicknamed one of them Cletus. Cletus and I are bestest buds.
Cletus never shaves and is pretty mangy-looking. While I ordinarily hate to make snap judgements about people, occasionally I find that I'm pretty comfortable with it. Cletus looks like the post-office mugshot of a guy who'd be wanted for knocking over a 7-Eleven.
He wanders over to my cubicle and hangs over the wall.
"Hey, have you tried the orange? The Arizona orange?" he asks.
He's referring to my can of Iced Tea.
"Yeah, I liked it," I say, "I'd have bought it, but CVS only has the raspberry."
"Yeah, I hear ya. Hey man... what would you do if you caught your old lady with another woman?"
"Um. What would I do? I dunno. Depends on my old lady and on the other woman, I guess. Why?"
"Well, see, I'm engaged to a black lady. And I know for fact that before we got together, she goed both ways. Aaaand, I'm worried that I'm gonna come home with--from work and I'm gonna find her in bed with another woman. And I'm afraid after that I'm gonna kill 'em both."
"Well... I guess I recommend NOT doing that."
"Yeah. My doctor said that, too. But I'm afraid I might not be able to help it, y'know?"
"Right. I think there'd be jail-time in it for you if you did something like that, though."
"Naw, there's a loophole, though. I was talkin' to my doctor 'bout it, it's called like, uh... 'heat of passion' or something. Like, if you walk in on your girl cheating on you, it's 'heat of passion' and you're allowed to kill her."
"I'm pretty sure you're not allowed."
"Yeah, I read it."
"It isn't a loophole, though. You still go to jail."
"Yeah, but it's like a... a less lenient sentence, y'know? Like, 5 or 6 years, they don't put you in there for life or nothin'."
"Ok. You'd still have to wear a little electronic ankle bracelet, though. Those sorta suck. You're probably better off not killing your girlfriend."
"Shit, I can handle that. Just walk me over to the dope house, right? I figure if I'm gonna go to jail, I won't give a shit."
"Uh-huh."
"Yeah, man, ever since I stopped drinking, I've got all this shit coming clear to me, y'know? Like I see more. There's all of these ladies' things in the house that I know ain't belong to her."
"Maybe she's borrowing cute stuff from a friend."
"Man, I hope not."
"..."
as uncomfortable as I am with Cletus trying to be my inter-office BFF, I really do cherish these little chats we have.
Cleaning crew is here. A couple of big guys in grimy undershirts, sweating profusely and coming into my cubicle once in a while to spray my feet with pesticide, or vacuum under my chair while I'm on the phone. I've nicknamed one of them Cletus. Cletus and I are bestest buds.
Cletus never shaves and is pretty mangy-looking. While I ordinarily hate to make snap judgements about people, occasionally I find that I'm pretty comfortable with it. Cletus looks like the post-office mugshot of a guy who'd be wanted for knocking over a 7-Eleven.
He wanders over to my cubicle and hangs over the wall.
"Hey, have you tried the orange? The Arizona orange?" he asks.
He's referring to my can of Iced Tea.
"Yeah, I liked it," I say, "I'd have bought it, but CVS only has the raspberry."
"Yeah, I hear ya. Hey man... what would you do if you caught your old lady with another woman?"
"Um. What would I do? I dunno. Depends on my old lady and on the other woman, I guess. Why?"
"Well, see, I'm engaged to a black lady. And I know for fact that before we got together, she goed both ways. Aaaand, I'm worried that I'm gonna come home with--from work and I'm gonna find her in bed with another woman. And I'm afraid after that I'm gonna kill 'em both."
"Well... I guess I recommend NOT doing that."
"Yeah. My doctor said that, too. But I'm afraid I might not be able to help it, y'know?"
"Right. I think there'd be jail-time in it for you if you did something like that, though."
"Naw, there's a loophole, though. I was talkin' to my doctor 'bout it, it's called like, uh... 'heat of passion' or something. Like, if you walk in on your girl cheating on you, it's 'heat of passion' and you're allowed to kill her."
"I'm pretty sure you're not allowed."
"Yeah, I read it."
"It isn't a loophole, though. You still go to jail."
"Yeah, but it's like a... a less lenient sentence, y'know? Like, 5 or 6 years, they don't put you in there for life or nothin'."
"Ok. You'd still have to wear a little electronic ankle bracelet, though. Those sorta suck. You're probably better off not killing your girlfriend."
"Shit, I can handle that. Just walk me over to the dope house, right? I figure if I'm gonna go to jail, I won't give a shit."
"Uh-huh."
"Yeah, man, ever since I stopped drinking, I've got all this shit coming clear to me, y'know? Like I see more. There's all of these ladies' things in the house that I know ain't belong to her."
"Maybe she's borrowing cute stuff from a friend."
"Man, I hope not."
"..."
as uncomfortable as I am with Cletus trying to be my inter-office BFF, I really do cherish these little chats we have.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
dexie:
hehehe im suprised someone didnt suggest make love not war and ju,p right on in with 'em!
theshinobi:
I heard it's only when he catches them and she refuses to do a 3way is when he's legally allowed to kill 'em. Seriously, FOX news said so.