inlikeflynn

I've stolen things. shoplifted things. little things, only, and rarely, but for selfish reasons. I don't want this to sound like a point of pride, it's just a fact and a preface to this entry.



I nearly snuck out of wal-mart with an ipod case this evening after work. I could have, easily. I was steeling myself to do it. (no pun intended, I swear.) butterflies in my stomach and everything, inches from the door.



anyone who's spent any small amount of time with me knows that I revel in talking about My Father The Policeman. "The Policeman is your friend," I'll say, "and I know because my daddy is one." my admiration has almost become a gimmick, though I didn't intend it to be. anytime a conversation about morality, or crime, or speeding tickets, or what-have-you crops up, you can bet your boots that someone will comment on me commenting on things based on my experiences with My Father The Policeman. I love what my father does for a living.



holding the ipod case, I was trying to think about how much better it would be to not have to pay for it. to just have it. I used to have dreams about just FINDING things that I wanted so that I wouldn't have to pay for them. I don't know how I can be so frugal and at the same time so irresponsible with money, but that's a topic for another entry. I just know that I wanted the case to keep my ipod safe in europe, and I didn't want to shell out what they were asking for it.

but I kept coming back to this memory I have of my dad and I shopping for Christmas gifts for mom 8 or 9 years back. we had just finished and were sitting in the car letting the AC run while we went over our list of things to do, when from behind this minivan parked across from us walks this young kid with an enormous camo hunting jacket on. huge, and heavy, too. too heavy for a South Florida winter. and my dad stops what he's doing and just watches this kid, acting like he thinks he must be out of view, pull a foil-wrapped designer shirt out from underneath his coat. I remember him telling me to stay put for a second, he'd be right back, and then he got out of the car, walked over to a pair of his bicycle cop pals, and walked them over as the kid was making his casual escape. I watched them busting this simple, stupid kid, and I thought about how much better it was to be on THIS side, with dad. the line seemed very clear to me. I was telling that story to people the very next morning.



the first time I ever lifted anything from a shop was on a day trip running errands with my mother. I can't remember whether it was a pack of gum or a tiny squirt gun, but I didn't keep it a secret for long. I piped up about it in the car on the way home, spinning some bogus story about how I'd forgotten that it was in my pocket, hoping that if we were close enough to home by then she would just say "oh, that's all right, I'm sure you didn't mean it" and let me keep it. I think it was guilt, mostly. I wanted whatever it was, but I wanted it to be ok that I had it. but instead she turned the car around, drove me back, marched me up to the manager and made me explain what I had done and apologize for doing it. she wasn't angry about it, she was perfectly calm. it was just the right thing to do.



I bought the case. I put the one I was holding back into its box, picked another off the shelf and paid for it at the front. because I think it's better on this side. for the most part. and I stood in line behind a woman who was buying bullets for Her Husband The Policeman, which I thought gave the story a nice circular quality.

****

SG just took its share for the month, so I'm paid up through the end of july. this entry will stay up until then, and then I believe I may just let my account expire. I dunno. the nakedness of this site has a powerful gravity. I'll think it over.

meanwhile, I'll be in europe. bumming around Benelux, Germany, the British isles, Switzerland, Italy... it may seem like I'm bragging, and that's because I am. it thrills me that I get to go back, and if my international job search goes well, I may be able to work out a more permanent arrangement. after this globetrotting month, it's off to San Fran to work on a friend's film for 4 weeks. room and board paid for, and profit-sharing if the movie does well. if I do stick around, I'll have photos and updates for those of you who remain. for those of you who decide to leave, and in case I do, myself, please do keep in touch. my e-mail is lizzrdking@gmail.com. and so long as you're not hawking penis pills, I don't mind that you know it.

peace.