[21:22] Stephen: will you tell me stories about all the wonderful, carefree things you're doing with your adult life?
[21:23] Kelly: i have no adult life.
[21:23] Kelly: i suck.
[21:23] Stephen: will you make up stories?
[21:23] Kelly: okay give me a minute
[21:23] Stephen: awesome
[21:29] Kelly: tell me awesome stories about your semester in tally while i'm thinking
[21:30] Stephen: hmm
[21:31] Stephen: well, the other day I was on campus delivering late research papers to my teachers
[21:31] Stephen: I sat down in the Williams courtyard with a bagel around lunchtime
[21:31] Stephen: and this woman at the next table over started choking on her caesar salad
[21:31] Stephen: big crouton, I guess
[21:32] Stephen: so I administered the heimlich and dislodged whatever it was
[21:32] Stephen: and she was so grateful that she granted me 3 wishes
[21:32] Stephen: and I wished for world peace and prosperity
[21:33] Stephen: and then I wished that my 19th century philosophy teacher would go out and get some poon on the side, because he's really uptight and I'm worried about my grade as a result
[21:33] Stephen: and she asked me what his name was
[21:33] Stephen: and when I told her, she spat in my eye and told me to go fuck myself
[21:33] Stephen: but she didn't explain why
[21:34] Stephen: she left her purse behind, though, when she stormed off
[21:34] Stephen: and there was a crumpled twenty and a half a thing of spearmint tic-tacs
[21:34] Stephen: so the story has a mostly happy ending
[21:36] Kelly: man. so we're not getting world peace and prosperity?
[21:36] Stephen: I guess not
[21:36] Stephen: but I'd be totally willing to share the tic-tacs.
It just occurred to me that most of the people I really want to make out with right now are in New York. But that could totally be the blueberry waffle-flavored beer talking. Also, I have not ruled out the possibility that I want to make out with all of these awesome people only after they leave me and move northward because I am somehow unable to really connect with the people who are around me all the time.
That part's definitely the Waffle Beer talking.
***
when I get older, I want to look like Shel Silverstein.
or Roy Scheider from Jaws. I want that grizzled old man look. The sunbaked one that suggests mediterranean heritage and a life lived at sea with notebooks and no razors. The kind of bourgeois glamour that Hollywood suggests to me in movies like White Squall or Newsies. There's another thing to aspire to. I want to grow up to be a plucky orphan in New York City, all soot-caked and raggedy. Just, y'know.... without the fleas and the degenerative skin diseases.
I tell people that, and they always come back with "well, jesus, Stephen, you could probably do all of that if you'd just write your damn papers on time."
[21:23] Kelly: i have no adult life.
[21:23] Kelly: i suck.
[21:23] Stephen: will you make up stories?
[21:23] Kelly: okay give me a minute
[21:23] Stephen: awesome
[21:29] Kelly: tell me awesome stories about your semester in tally while i'm thinking
[21:30] Stephen: hmm
[21:31] Stephen: well, the other day I was on campus delivering late research papers to my teachers
[21:31] Stephen: I sat down in the Williams courtyard with a bagel around lunchtime
[21:31] Stephen: and this woman at the next table over started choking on her caesar salad
[21:31] Stephen: big crouton, I guess
[21:32] Stephen: so I administered the heimlich and dislodged whatever it was
[21:32] Stephen: and she was so grateful that she granted me 3 wishes
[21:32] Stephen: and I wished for world peace and prosperity
[21:33] Stephen: and then I wished that my 19th century philosophy teacher would go out and get some poon on the side, because he's really uptight and I'm worried about my grade as a result
[21:33] Stephen: and she asked me what his name was
[21:33] Stephen: and when I told her, she spat in my eye and told me to go fuck myself
[21:33] Stephen: but she didn't explain why
[21:34] Stephen: she left her purse behind, though, when she stormed off
[21:34] Stephen: and there was a crumpled twenty and a half a thing of spearmint tic-tacs
[21:34] Stephen: so the story has a mostly happy ending
[21:36] Kelly: man. so we're not getting world peace and prosperity?
[21:36] Stephen: I guess not
[21:36] Stephen: but I'd be totally willing to share the tic-tacs.
It just occurred to me that most of the people I really want to make out with right now are in New York. But that could totally be the blueberry waffle-flavored beer talking. Also, I have not ruled out the possibility that I want to make out with all of these awesome people only after they leave me and move northward because I am somehow unable to really connect with the people who are around me all the time.
That part's definitely the Waffle Beer talking.
***
when I get older, I want to look like Shel Silverstein.
or Roy Scheider from Jaws. I want that grizzled old man look. The sunbaked one that suggests mediterranean heritage and a life lived at sea with notebooks and no razors. The kind of bourgeois glamour that Hollywood suggests to me in movies like White Squall or Newsies. There's another thing to aspire to. I want to grow up to be a plucky orphan in New York City, all soot-caked and raggedy. Just, y'know.... without the fleas and the degenerative skin diseases.
I tell people that, and they always come back with "well, jesus, Stephen, you could probably do all of that if you'd just write your damn papers on time."
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
hannah:
I love Morgan Freeman's voice as well... Something very calming about it... Have you seen King Kong yet? If so, what did you think?
fatality:
I want to be a young woman but an old man. I like old men so much more than old women.