This weekend my boyfriend has his kids. Since we live together now, they'll be staying over here with us. It makes me nervous to have them around. I'm so busy trying to do everything right and make sure they like me. He said when he went to go pick them up that they said, "You live at Ms. Lindsay's house now and she's nice. YAY!" That made me all smiley and goofy.
I've been around kids my whole life, but this is different. I was so nervous cooking lunch earlier because I SWORE they wouldn't like the different things I cook. I was cooking black beans and they begged for some. My boyfriend gave half his burrito to one of his son's twice. I don't know... it just made me feel good.
We have plenty of time to be adults, but I must admit... I like the time with the kids. They keep it simple, y'know? There's no room for deep conversations or political agendas, just laughter and fun. Water guns seem more fun and watching them zone into cartoons is a trip. They remind me what it was like to look at the world at that age. It's nice.
I love to watch him play with his kids. They love and trust him so much and he needs that. He had sole custody of them for a long time, but now he only sees them every other weekend. He hates it. His time with them is special. I try to become wallpaper and fade into the background because I want him to soak it all up. His kids feed that special energy in him that makes *him* so special. He wants the world for them and I know he can give it to them.
My boyfriend and I grew up differently than most kids. Without going into detail, I can tell you we both suffered a lot of abuse as kids. We don't want to be victims and blame our abuse for every mistake we make in life. We constantly talk about our childhoods and how we want to make something better for his children and the children we will have together someday.
Our mistakes and 'pasts' don't make us weak; they give us wisdom. He didn't have the convenience of therapy like I did, so now we spend a lot of time talking about things together. He used to think crying in front of me about all this made him less of a man. I told him the fact that he can go to that vulnerable place with me and share those things with me is the true testament of what a man he REALLY is. Anyone can be angry and angst-ridden at the world. Rappers and rockstars do it every day. When he's sitting in front of me vulnerable like that, there's no doubt in my mind that I am in the presence of a real man.
I've been around kids my whole life, but this is different. I was so nervous cooking lunch earlier because I SWORE they wouldn't like the different things I cook. I was cooking black beans and they begged for some. My boyfriend gave half his burrito to one of his son's twice. I don't know... it just made me feel good.
We have plenty of time to be adults, but I must admit... I like the time with the kids. They keep it simple, y'know? There's no room for deep conversations or political agendas, just laughter and fun. Water guns seem more fun and watching them zone into cartoons is a trip. They remind me what it was like to look at the world at that age. It's nice.
I love to watch him play with his kids. They love and trust him so much and he needs that. He had sole custody of them for a long time, but now he only sees them every other weekend. He hates it. His time with them is special. I try to become wallpaper and fade into the background because I want him to soak it all up. His kids feed that special energy in him that makes *him* so special. He wants the world for them and I know he can give it to them.
My boyfriend and I grew up differently than most kids. Without going into detail, I can tell you we both suffered a lot of abuse as kids. We don't want to be victims and blame our abuse for every mistake we make in life. We constantly talk about our childhoods and how we want to make something better for his children and the children we will have together someday.
Our mistakes and 'pasts' don't make us weak; they give us wisdom. He didn't have the convenience of therapy like I did, so now we spend a lot of time talking about things together. He used to think crying in front of me about all this made him less of a man. I told him the fact that he can go to that vulnerable place with me and share those things with me is the true testament of what a man he REALLY is. Anyone can be angry and angst-ridden at the world. Rappers and rockstars do it every day. When he's sitting in front of me vulnerable like that, there's no doubt in my mind that I am in the presence of a real man.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
go_lately:
is that a chiquita in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
jamy:
have you married ya boy yet?