inkedgirl

Have you ever loved someone so much you wanted to hurry up and get married and have babies because you were afraid something tragic would happen to them? That's how I feel with my boyfriend now. I'm not going to make any drastic decisions, but doing all that with him would be extremely cool. I just keep thinking I'll come home one day and he won't be there and then I'll get that terrible call. *shudder*

We had this same talk the other day in the car when we were thrifting together. We started talking about all of this and I broke down in tears. I said I just couldn't talk about it anymore. I don't want to think about losing him, but it's a reaccuring nightmare.

He's the first person I've gotten close to since my mommy died. It's kind of scary... Your view on the world changes so much and you really DO learn a lot of the 'secrets of life' when you lose someone that close to you. Those secrets are cool to know, but at the same time... you know how random life really is. So random, in fact, that something crazy could happen to any one of us today. One of us in this community could die and perhaps we'd never know it... Someone could get car-jacked & shot, raped & murdered, die in a car accident, choke on their lunch, die in a malfunctioning elavator, etc.

I guess I sound morbid, but people die that way every day. What makes you think you're so special that you'll live forever? What makes you think you're invincible? Are you extra careful when you take a shower and step out onto a slippery floor? Do you drive carefully? Do you take small bites of food and chew them well? Do you watch your back in the shower when you're home alone?

I do. Maybe it's stupid, maybe it's silly... but I feel like I have so much to live for now. I love life. I'm not scared of what mechanism of death will take me out of this world. I'm just terrified of leaving.