JESUS: The Missing Years
It was raining
it was cold
West Bethlehem was no place for a twelve year old
So he packed his bags and he headed out
To find out what the world's about
He went to France he went to Spain
He found love he found pain
He found stores so he started to shop
But he had no money so he got in trouble with a cop
Kids in trouble wiht the cops from Israel didn't have no home
So he cut his hair and moved to Rome
It was there he met his Irish bride
And they rented a flat on the lower east side
Of Rome
Italy that is
Music publishers, book binders, bible belters,
Swimming pools, orgies and lots of pretty Italian chicks
the wine was flowing so were beers
So Jesus found his missing years
He went to a dance and said This don't move me
So he hiked up his pants and he went to a movie
On his thirteenth birthday he saw Rebel Without a Cause
He went straight on home and invented Santa Claus
Who gave him a gift
And he responded in kind
He gave the gift of love and went out of his mind
You see him and the wife wasn't getting along
So he took out his guitar and he wrote a song
Called The Dove of Love Fell off the Perch
But he couldn't get divorced in the Catholic Church
At least not back then anyhow
Jesus was a good guy he didn't need this shit
So he took a pill with a Coca-Cola and he swallowed it
He discovered the Beatles
He recorded with the Stones
Once he even opened up a three way package
For old George Jones
The years passed by like sweet little days
With babies crying pork chops and Beaujolais
When he woke up he was seventeen
The world was angry the world was mean
Why the man down the street and the kid on the stoop
All agreed that life stank all the world smelled like poop
Baby poop, that is
the worst kind
So he grew his hair long and threw away his comb
And headed back to Jerusalem to find mom, dad and home
But when he got there the cupboard was bare
Except for an old black man with a fishing rod
He said, Whatcha gonna be when you grow up?
Jesus said
G o d
Oh my God what have I gotten myself into?
I'm a human corkscrew and all my wine is blood
They're gonna kill me Mama
they don't like me
So Jesus went to heaven and he went there awful quick
All them people killed him and He wasn't even sick
So come and gather around me my contemporary peers
And I'll tell you all the story
Of Jesus ... the missing years
It was raining
it was cold
West Bethlehem was no place for a twelve year old
So he packed his bags and he headed out
To find out what the world's about
He went to France he went to Spain
He found love he found pain
He found stores so he started to shop
But he had no money so he got in trouble with a cop
Kids in trouble wiht the cops from Israel didn't have no home
So he cut his hair and moved to Rome
It was there he met his Irish bride
And they rented a flat on the lower east side
Of Rome
Italy that is
Music publishers, book binders, bible belters,
Swimming pools, orgies and lots of pretty Italian chicks
the wine was flowing so were beers
So Jesus found his missing years
He went to a dance and said This don't move me
So he hiked up his pants and he went to a movie
On his thirteenth birthday he saw Rebel Without a Cause
He went straight on home and invented Santa Claus
Who gave him a gift
And he responded in kind
He gave the gift of love and went out of his mind
You see him and the wife wasn't getting along
So he took out his guitar and he wrote a song
Called The Dove of Love Fell off the Perch
But he couldn't get divorced in the Catholic Church
At least not back then anyhow
Jesus was a good guy he didn't need this shit
So he took a pill with a Coca-Cola and he swallowed it
He discovered the Beatles
He recorded with the Stones
Once he even opened up a three way package
For old George Jones
The years passed by like sweet little days
With babies crying pork chops and Beaujolais
When he woke up he was seventeen
The world was angry the world was mean
Why the man down the street and the kid on the stoop
All agreed that life stank all the world smelled like poop
Baby poop, that is
the worst kind
So he grew his hair long and threw away his comb
And headed back to Jerusalem to find mom, dad and home
But when he got there the cupboard was bare
Except for an old black man with a fishing rod
He said, Whatcha gonna be when you grow up?
Jesus said
G o d
Oh my God what have I gotten myself into?
I'm a human corkscrew and all my wine is blood
They're gonna kill me Mama
they don't like me
So Jesus went to heaven and he went there awful quick
All them people killed him and He wasn't even sick
So come and gather around me my contemporary peers
And I'll tell you all the story
Of Jesus ... the missing years
I was there the day that Christ was born.
I heard Gabriel blow his happy horn.
Three men came to the manger.
They whispered, "Howdy stranger."
And I could tell right then the child's life would be in danger.
I heard him talking on the hill top high.
And I remember thinking," What a guy."
He didn't look too tough but
he said some real cool stuff.
And he quit talking after everyone had heard enough.
And I was there the night he had his trial.
I took a seat because it took a while.
He had no real defense, no.
It got pretty intense though.
And everyone I know's been talkin' bout it ever since.
And I was there when he was crucified.
I hung around and watched him as he died.
I packed a simple lunch.
Just something I could munch on.
I couldn't hear what he was saying but I had a hunch.
And I was there the night he rose from the dead.
He had a light that went around his head.
He drove around all night
and he was quite a sight
and when I talk about this part people get real uptight.
And I was there the night he rolled his truck.
And I remember thinking, "What the fuck, man?
He was a real good driver.
He was a real survivor.
He had the driving skills Americans should really strive for."
His truck burst into a flaming heap.
That's what you get when you buy trucks that cheap.
But all his needs were simple.
One time he got a pimple.
He waved his hand and it was gone and it was just that simple.
I watched him walk out of the burning pile.
He blew the crowd a kiss and flashed his smile.
You should have heard them clapping.
He act like nothing happened.
And then he sang a song that set everyone's toes a-tappin'.
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