Yet more amazing news, been in hospital with my kidneys again. Been in since monday but out now 
But the stones stuck so if its not moved in two wks time i gotta have an op.
As for me & libra. Yes we have split up & yes it was her who did the breaking up, But its my own fault it came to that.
I lost count of the amount of times i hurt her or had been nasty for no reason or said it was over. I had depression this time last yr and maybe i hadn't came out of it, So when i met someone who loved me ect i dunno maybe i put walls up and shit and did the old ill hurt you before you do me, even though nothing was wrong.
I get way to much time at my job to think about stuff, stuff what maybe isn't even there so i talk myself into believing shit, that aint right. Or to be in a mood all the time, that aint right either. Or to push someone away who is trying so hard to love you, be there for you, cheer you up. That aint right not at all, Then it takes a kick to the balls for you to realise what you have been doing to someone, how sorry you are & how much it hurts knowing what you were doing was wrong.
It hurts to know though that you have brought that all on yourself after all the stuff you have been doing wrong
& you cant even show them what you really feel for them now.
it hurts to know you were hurting the one you love, knowing they love you just as much back but you have been so horrible at times its driven them away, when all i wanna do is love that person back the same. Man i gotta talk to someone about this shit, im not happy and its cost me a loving girlfreind.
I had the chance to talk to a shrink last yr and i didnt, fucking twat.
So im hoping i can change things, for the better now.
Its just such ashame i didnt realise all this before, when that someone was fighting to keep us together all time. I cant be right to do that afer all the stuff id came through, after feeling like i'd never ever be ok again then to meet someone so amazing but then to fuck it up be it i still have depression or what ever, i gotta get sorted out & fast.
Im just so sorry for all the hurt i casued, for pushing you away, for being horrible. For being nasty or moody when all you ever did was love me & want to be there & i pushed you to this.
Its my own fault but iam sorry for making you sad.
But the stones stuck so if its not moved in two wks time i gotta have an op.
As for me & libra. Yes we have split up & yes it was her who did the breaking up, But its my own fault it came to that.
I lost count of the amount of times i hurt her or had been nasty for no reason or said it was over. I had depression this time last yr and maybe i hadn't came out of it, So when i met someone who loved me ect i dunno maybe i put walls up and shit and did the old ill hurt you before you do me, even though nothing was wrong.
I get way to much time at my job to think about stuff, stuff what maybe isn't even there so i talk myself into believing shit, that aint right. Or to be in a mood all the time, that aint right either. Or to push someone away who is trying so hard to love you, be there for you, cheer you up. That aint right not at all, Then it takes a kick to the balls for you to realise what you have been doing to someone, how sorry you are & how much it hurts knowing what you were doing was wrong.
It hurts to know though that you have brought that all on yourself after all the stuff you have been doing wrong
& you cant even show them what you really feel for them now.
it hurts to know you were hurting the one you love, knowing they love you just as much back but you have been so horrible at times its driven them away, when all i wanna do is love that person back the same. Man i gotta talk to someone about this shit, im not happy and its cost me a loving girlfreind.
I had the chance to talk to a shrink last yr and i didnt, fucking twat.
So im hoping i can change things, for the better now.
Its just such ashame i didnt realise all this before, when that someone was fighting to keep us together all time. I cant be right to do that afer all the stuff id came through, after feeling like i'd never ever be ok again then to meet someone so amazing but then to fuck it up be it i still have depression or what ever, i gotta get sorted out & fast.
Im just so sorry for all the hurt i casued, for pushing you away, for being horrible. For being nasty or moody when all you ever did was love me & want to be there & i pushed you to this.
Its my own fault but iam sorry for making you sad.
you will sort everything out and you WILL be happy. i know that!!!