inkdpanda

i'm really in a dull spot in my life. school is school, i'm reading on journalism/PR jobs and dont know if i should go journalism or PR for my degree. the more i look into the life of freelancing/editorial, the more PR seems more lucrative. Medical shit is still here, got an xray of my back, going to get an ultrasound of my kidneys soon(we highly doubt it's my kidneys). I'm realizing i live for excitement and stimulation. all the shit i've done good and bad has been for a rush. That rush seems to go away after a few months and then i'm left hollow and empty. I dont socialize much, and walking outside on a friday or saturday night is just a mob of drunk people. I want to start getting some professional experience but i have a misdemeanor over my head and ZERO professional references. that's the biggest thing killing me. Halloween in thursday and i dont even want to dress up. i'm fed up with this town and i really dont know where to go from here. it's been almost a week since the SG show and that's pretty much been the only highlight of the summer. I dont even know what to write for school or leisure. I'm having good dreams again after not having them for weeks. and now i'm in the slippery slope of dreams are better than reality. im trying not to go to bed at 7:30pm. I just hope i have a good dream.