grades are posted. A's and B's. got high enough GPA to get full major.
I've noticed that the comments on my friends page are always commented with my other friends. I know this is a big site but it seems very weird/small world to see my friends comment on my other friends. Considering I only have like 15 friends I follow up on and my other friends comment on them too. strikes me weird haha.
I've been winding down from school and find i'm truly at a loss for things to do. I wish i could work out but i ONCE AGAIN have medical shit that needs to heal up. More and more i've been on the verge of my inner mind finding something greater. I know there is a whole world out there and I am realizing I am so limited in my experiences both professional and recreational. It makes me sad I don't have the professional side even at a bare minimum to achieve internships or study abroad. I feel very self defeated and utterly confused, sad, anxious, and angry that I'm not experienced enough to move forward.
I've done a lot of "benchmark" blogs of where I am now; what i've learned and what i want to start to grow and learn. But right now i feel at a loss. It is on the tip of my mind but hasn't brought full actualization. I get anxious from that and question my inner worth and potential. It's all clicked in my head so much faster and immediate, but now the thoughts form very fragmented and fade away because i cannot describe them. I feel alone and small, questioning my being that is shaped from my past and how I thought things would get clearer and affirmed.
Now i'm just struggling for purpose- or at a bare minimum a goal to go after in a year's time. But then that brings back the almost zero qualification for a greater agenda beyond shit minimum wage jobs. The school gives me a free subscription to lynda.com which is amazing and I'm hoping I can feel better about myself at the end of summer from learning adobe premiere and the like.
My dad offered for me to come home to visit. I haven't been home in 3 years. It was never home to begin with. When i did go home, i just cried and smoked cigarettes(and got bitched that fuck out by my family and felt even more alienated) I hate eugene and i hate glencoe(home suburb of chicago). Neither one I can call home or say I am glad I'm here. It's not to sound ungrateful, but it's left more questions, dead ends, unblossomed life experiences, and the bane of my social goals(college town is nothing like what I've been posting of my wants to needs and hopes of growth and maturity).
Then once again full circle the lack of a "i'm glad I'm here/call this place home" just festers with all the other let downs and ill feelings of what my life is. I dont call any place home, i dont have any friends, all i rely on to make me happy is school(and now school is out for a month). It just feels like i'm a dying light getting dimmer and dimmer with each closing chapter/experiement.
Anyone here want to impart their life wisdom to help me out? It'd be a big help.
I guess i'll end on a happy note with this:
~Panda
I've noticed that the comments on my friends page are always commented with my other friends. I know this is a big site but it seems very weird/small world to see my friends comment on my other friends. Considering I only have like 15 friends I follow up on and my other friends comment on them too. strikes me weird haha.
I've been winding down from school and find i'm truly at a loss for things to do. I wish i could work out but i ONCE AGAIN have medical shit that needs to heal up. More and more i've been on the verge of my inner mind finding something greater. I know there is a whole world out there and I am realizing I am so limited in my experiences both professional and recreational. It makes me sad I don't have the professional side even at a bare minimum to achieve internships or study abroad. I feel very self defeated and utterly confused, sad, anxious, and angry that I'm not experienced enough to move forward.
I've done a lot of "benchmark" blogs of where I am now; what i've learned and what i want to start to grow and learn. But right now i feel at a loss. It is on the tip of my mind but hasn't brought full actualization. I get anxious from that and question my inner worth and potential. It's all clicked in my head so much faster and immediate, but now the thoughts form very fragmented and fade away because i cannot describe them. I feel alone and small, questioning my being that is shaped from my past and how I thought things would get clearer and affirmed.
Now i'm just struggling for purpose- or at a bare minimum a goal to go after in a year's time. But then that brings back the almost zero qualification for a greater agenda beyond shit minimum wage jobs. The school gives me a free subscription to lynda.com which is amazing and I'm hoping I can feel better about myself at the end of summer from learning adobe premiere and the like.
My dad offered for me to come home to visit. I haven't been home in 3 years. It was never home to begin with. When i did go home, i just cried and smoked cigarettes(and got bitched that fuck out by my family and felt even more alienated) I hate eugene and i hate glencoe(home suburb of chicago). Neither one I can call home or say I am glad I'm here. It's not to sound ungrateful, but it's left more questions, dead ends, unblossomed life experiences, and the bane of my social goals(college town is nothing like what I've been posting of my wants to needs and hopes of growth and maturity).
Then once again full circle the lack of a "i'm glad I'm here/call this place home" just festers with all the other let downs and ill feelings of what my life is. I dont call any place home, i dont have any friends, all i rely on to make me happy is school(and now school is out for a month). It just feels like i'm a dying light getting dimmer and dimmer with each closing chapter/experiement.
Anyone here want to impart their life wisdom to help me out? It'd be a big help.
I guess i'll end on a happy note with this:
~Panda
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
I comment on random people's blogs sometimes, I hit the 'members' tab and read/comment on anything that looks interesting. Could be that or just the fact that you have awesome friends.
You'll get that internship! Baby Pandas! Just keep working for it.
I don't know much about the college vs. real life stuff but isn't college meant to get you past the "zero qualification" part?
It was a nice offer fro your dad, but if you don't want to go, don't. But if you do go, please don't fall into old habits, you're in a much better place now.
My son feels the same way about our new home town. He just started school, he doesn't know anybody and he doesn't really want to know anybody. The right people are out there, you just have to open up and look past the crowd. I can imagine it would be hard in a college/party town but they are there.